Every month, I gather with a wonderful group of women to discuss our latest book and share snippets of our lives. We indulge in chocolate and sip on wine, reflecting on the experiences we’ve had since our last meeting.
During our most recent discussion, the topic of body image and beauty norms emerged—an important conversation among women. One friend, a teacher, shared an incident from her school that struck a chord. A group of first-grade girls, all involved in gymnastics, decided to form a gymnastics club. When another girl expressed her desire to join, one of the girls told her, “You have to be skinny to be in the gymnastics club.” This comment was made innocently, reflecting something she had heard from her coaches, but it had serious implications.
The girl who was turned away went home and asked her mother, who is thin, for advice on how to become thinner. This child is not overweight; she is simply rounder, like many girls her age who are still growing into their bodies. Her mother, concerned, sought answers from the school about why her daughter, at such a tender age, was already worrying about her body image.
Children often mirror the attitudes of adults around them. When a little girl is told she isn’t thin enough for an activity, she internalizes that message, which can create a lasting belief that her worth is tied to her size. I understand this all too well.
As a child, I was also subjected to similar comments. My family struggled financially, yet they managed to enroll me in ballet classes. I was tall and awkward, with a more robust frame than some of my peers. After a few months, my ballet instructor, a former French ballerina, bluntly told my mother that I was likely too heavy for ballet and suggested she save her money. This statement was made without any consideration for my feelings and left a deep mark on my self-esteem.
While certain body types may lend themselves better to specific activities, pressuring young girls to conform to an ideal standard of thinness is misguided. At such a young age, girls should be free to enjoy play and express themselves creatively without the burden of body image concerns.
Coaches and instructors often have the best intentions, wanting to guide their students, but using body size as a criterion for success is unacceptable. Not all coaches will make negative remarks about a child’s body, and many are nurturing influences. However, until we can ensure that every coach is supportive, we must acknowledge the potential harm of these messages.
The repercussions can be severe. I spent my adolescence and young adulthood battling issues related to body image, fueled by the belief that I had to be thinner to be beautiful, successful, or accepted. These early negative comments about my appearance lingered and shaped my experiences. When we tell young girls they aren’t thin enough for an activity, we risk leading them down a path toward body dissatisfaction, anxiety, or even eating disorders.
It’s crucial to stop promoting the idea that only one body type is beautiful. We must protect girls from becoming overly conscious of their bodies before they can even spell the word “bodies.” Beauty should not be the sole focus of female identity.
If I had a daughter, I would tell her: “You are beautiful just as you are. You are so much more than your appearance. Do not let anyone tell you that you cannot participate in something simply because of how you look. You are courageous, creative, kind, and strong.” These are affirmations I wish I had received.
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In summary, we must be vigilant about the messages we send young girls regarding their bodies. By fostering a culture of acceptance and self-love, we can help them grow into confident women who value themselves beyond their physical appearance.