“What’s on your mind, dear?”
I took a moment to consider whether to provide a thorough response or stick with my usual cursory reply that would keep the conversation light.
“Not much, really,” I said, which was not entirely true.
I added, “Just thinking about how the kids are doing with their grandparents,” which was slightly more honest.
The reality is that, like many mothers, my mind is in constant motion. I couldn’t pinpoint my thoughts at that exact moment, but in the moments preceding his inquiry, my mental wheel was spinning at an alarming rate.
What was I thinking? Nothing specific. Everything. A jumble of thoughts in between… Did I remember to pick up a new box of contacts before our trip on Monday? Did I overpay the babysitter last week? My daughter isn’t consuming enough vegetables. I missed another writing deadline. Should I consult my doctor about this anxiety? And speaking of doctors, does my son need any vaccinations? I need to contact the pediatrician to ensure preschool has updated records. Did I register him for next year? Oh, and he needs new clothes for school. He’s grown so much.
Oh no! The laundry! I forgot to switch it over to the dryer.
And then there’s that thought to Google recipes for baby-friendly veggies and add them to the grocery list, call the doctor, and remind myself to check with my editor. Plus, I need to ensure the laundry smells okay before moving it.
I really miss my son. I can’t wait to pick him up from his grandparents. I hope he’s having a good day.
So, when I responded, I merely scratched the surface. Not because I can’t share my thoughts—I absolutely can. My partner is my confidant. But, well… this is the reality of “mom brain.”
This phenomenon has a name: the mental load. It’s a significant reason behind the exhaustion many mothers feel, even when they are primarily at home. For those of us juggling work outside the home as well, the mere thought can be overwhelming.
You may have encountered this scenario: you meet a fellow mother, ask how she’s doing, and she replies, “Tired.”
Often, this fatigue isn’t solely due to lack of sleep. While that may be a factor, there is a deeper, underlying issue. My partner comes home from work, and I want to ease his burden by asking about his day. It’s an act of love, yet my mental wheel continues to spin in the background.
Mothers, can you relate?
If we forget to switch the laundry, who will do it? If we neglect the vegetables, the baby won’t get any. Every task—doctor’s appointments, prescription refills, vacation packing lists—resides on our invisible mental checklist.
This mental load is a reality we all share. I am not suggesting it is negative or that we need to fix it; I don’t even know if that’s possible. However, simply acknowledging its existence is crucial. It explains why we feel drained, even when it seems like we haven’t accomplished much.
Everything that remains undone and everything that needs attention plays on a continuous loop in our minds.
Moms, you are remarkable. You are the invisible glue holding everything together. Yet perhaps we don’t always have to shoulder this burden alone.
Next time a spouse, friend, or family member asks, “What’s on your mind?” consider sharing your thoughts. Lighten your load, even if just for a moment. If they respond with confusion, reach out to another mother, because we understand.
The weight may be invisible, but it is undeniably substantial. Let’s be honest with each other and share our experiences.
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Summary:
Mothers often experience exhaustion not merely from a lack of sleep but from the mental load of juggling countless responsibilities. This hidden emotional labor contributes significantly to their fatigue. By acknowledging and sharing their experiences, mothers can lighten their burdens and find support in their communities.