When my daughter hit the age of three, my mother-in-law, her sister, and my wife’s grandmother came together to present her with an extravagant pink gift set. It included a tiny baby doll, a miniature diaper bag, and even a petite diaper for the doll. Alongside these items were various princess-themed accessories: a tiara, a necklace, a wand (was she a fairy? The lines blur), clip-on earrings, a lovely dress, and, of course, her very first pair of high heels.
I stood there, half in disbelief, as I watched my little one wobble awkwardly across the room in her new heels. She was glowing with happiness, reveling in the birthday festivities, basking in attention, and, of course, the gifts. Or perhaps it was specifically the allure of her new purse, heels, tiara, earrings, and bracelet that thrilled her.
The age-old debate of nature versus nurture comes to mind. I lean heavily toward the latter. I believe that girls are conditioned to like pink princesses through societal expectations. By age three, these perceptions are so deeply embedded that there’s no turning back. If you tell a girl that boys can play with dolls, she’ll likely giggle at the absurdity. Conversely, a boy might chuckle if you claim that a Cars-themed goody bag belongs to his sister. We instill these beliefs from the moment they arrive, and when they exhibit these learned behaviors, we proudly declare, “See? Girls are inherently different from boys! We can’t fight nature.”
Don’t get me wrong; while I firmly believe that girls are taught to adore pink and aren’t born into tea parties, I’m not overly concerned. My daughter looked ecstatic in her high heels, and that’s what mattered most at that moment. Just look at her with her Great-Grandma, dressing up her new baby doll.
However, a few days later, I gently raised my concerns with my mother-in-law. “It’s fine to gift her the pink princess items,” I said, “but shouldn’t we aim for some balance? If there’s pink, maybe we should introduce a few other colors and themes as well? Just to show her there’s more to life than princesses and dolls.”
Initially, I felt defensive when she responded, “I get this stuff to balance your time with her.” However, it dawned on me that her logic was sound. As a stay-at-home dad, my daughter spends most of her day with me, engaging in activities like basketball, soccer, hiking, and building with Legos. In those moments, her interests don’t lean toward the traditionally feminine. I’ve never even dressed her in a dress during the three years I’ve been responsible for her morning routine. It’s not intentional; I don’t aim to mold her into something she’s not. I enjoy playing soccer with my kids, and being a girl should never hinder that.
This realization was enlightening. Perhaps instead of resisting the pink phase, I should embrace it, as challenging as that may seem. When she struts around with her little purse, channeling her inner Paris Hilton, maybe I should step back and let her express herself. Once she’s done with her stroll, I can toss a plastic ball her way and watch her giggle as she tumbles, only to bounce back and kick it back to me.
Speaking of balance, here’s her birthday cake. When we asked her what she wanted, she replied, “Princess.” We agreed, but insisted on including something else for variety. That’s how we ended up with this… my girl, the sometimes-princess.
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In summary, while my daughter may embrace the world of pink princesses, the key is to foster a balanced environment where she can explore all facets of her identity, whether they be sporty or sparkly.
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