A Note of Gratitude to My Childhood Guardian from My Adult Self

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Dear Fern,

You never mentioned how challenging this adult life would be.

I recently discovered the letters you penned to me in your delicate fairy script. Don’t worry, I’ve safeguarded them in a heart-shaped box alongside other sentimental trinkets that I insisted my mom keep. Your little notes mean the world to me, and in many ways, they have shaped my journey.

You began writing to me when I was around 7 or 8 years old. My friend Sarah had a fairy named Sparkle, and after meeting her at a sleepover, I learned I had my own special fairy. So, I reached out to you, asking for your friendship.

You responded almost immediately, introducing yourself as Fern.

For years, we exchanged letters. I would leave a note by my bedside, and while I was lost in dreams, you would slip into my shadowy room, leaving behind a note in your enchanting handwriting. You appeared whenever I shared my feelings—whether I was happy, sad, angry, or confused. You were always punctual and even left me little gifts, like golden earrings for your “Golden Girl.”

You inquired about my family as though you already knew everything about them. You taught me the importance of keeping my room tidy, the joy of sharing, and why being kind to my younger brother was essential: “Never forget, having a brother is a gift.”

You were right, Fern. My brother has grown into a compassionate, intelligent man who is always there for me. He shaves now and carries a briefcase, earning his own paycheck. Whenever I need him, he’s just a phone call away, ready to listen and support me.

You were quite clever, Fern, subtly encouraging me to say nice things to my parents: “It brings them joy! They work so hard for you.”

Time and again, you reminded me, “Remember to smile!” as if you could foresee the tears I would shed in the future. “Keep smiling and the world will smile back at you!” you would say. But sometimes, Fern, the world simply doesn’t smile. Perhaps you intentionally omitted that part.

The day came when you told me it was time for you to leave, to fly on to another little girl who needed you more than I did. I hope you are with a very special child who requires your magic during her darkest nights. Once, you mentioned being late because you were tending to sick children. If that’s the case today, I hope you are teaching them they are never alone in this daunting world.

You noted that girls usually only write at my age when they seek guidance.

“Do you need advice?” you asked.

Yes, Fern, I truly need your insight.

“I’ve been searching for you. Why and when did you move?”

I’m still here. I’ve grown up, learned to drive, attended college, secured a job, started paying bills, and relocated far from home. I understand it’s challenging to find me, miles away from my childhood and family. But keep seeking, I’m still here.

I matured year by year, decision by decision. Why? Because you taught me that growing up means learning to smile.

A few times, you showed me how to prove your existence to my friends, helping them believe in something so small that it can’t be seen. You encouraged me to wear the locket you gifted me as a symbol for those who doubted your reality. You reminded me to cherish your letters, as they wove beautiful lessons that I could carry forward to the next little girl.

I have kept your notes secure, Fern. They are precious stories I vow to share with the next generation.

I’m writing to you now, even though you said I was too old for this. I’m reaching out to see if you’ll come back. If you see this note, if you can hear me, please let me know. There have been countless moments in my life when others didn’t respond as promptly as you always did. They didn’t come when I cried.

Adult life is undeniably tough, Fern. Far more challenging than you ever let on.

And finally, I must say thank you.

Although you didn’t prepare me for the complexities of life, I know you did your utmost to equip me for the winding path ahead. You were always there, answering every tear-stained letter and loving me in the most remarkable yet subtle ways.

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In summary, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to my childhood fairy for her unwavering support and guidance throughout my formative years, even when the struggles of adulthood were not foreseen.

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