Two simple words—those were all it took for a torrent of memories and sorrow to resurface. With just those two words, I was transported back to June 23, 2013, the day I welcomed my triplets into the world and faced the heartbreaking reality of losing my first child.
Our surviving child, Lily, has a cherished bedtime routine that includes a moment to acknowledge her brother and sister. Above her changing table, three shadowboxes hang, each representing one of the triplets. These boxes contain photographs and mementos from our micro-preemies, born at just 22 weeks. Lily often gazes at the shadowboxes, cheerfully greeting, “Hi Emma” and “Hi Noah.” But on this particular night, as she called out to Emma, she studied the picture closely and with her innocent voice said, “Wake up.”
How do you convey to your daughter that her identical sister will never “wake up”? How do you explain that her sister lived for only a few hours and her brother for a mere two months? How can I articulate that we never witnessed Emma’s beautiful eyes because, at 22 weeks, they were still sealed shut? In that moment, tears clouded my vision, and a heavy lump formed in my throat. My precious child, who had struggled with developmental delays, was beginning to grasp the concept of sibling loss.
I never anticipated that two innocent words could be so endearing yet profoundly heartbreaking. As Lily encouraged her sister to “wake up,” my heart swelled with pride. She remembers her siblings, sharing an extraordinary connection that began in the womb. I realized then that we would eventually have to explain to her why her brother and sister are no longer with us. This conversation loomed ahead, and I never expected my daughter to be curious about it so soon.
Our two angels will always hold a significant place in our family, and I will forever be their mother. Though I am uncertain about how I will explain their absence to Lily or help her understand why she remains with us, I know we will be prepared to support her through her grief.
As for those two little words—“wake up”—it is a moment I will treasure indefinitely. In that instant, my fears dissipated, and my maternal instinct took charge. I looked at Lily and smiled as I softly said, “Emma is sleeping in heaven.” I then enveloped my dear daughter in a hug, reluctant to let go. As tears streamed down my face and onto her, Lily responded quietly, “Heaven.”
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In summary, sibling loss is a profound experience that can evoke complex emotions and questions, especially from surviving siblings. Recognizing and honoring the memories of those lost while providing support and understanding to the living can be a delicate balance for families navigating such heartache.