This past weekend, I enrolled my youngest child in pre-kindergarten, and I found myself fighting back tears—many tears, in fact. Like numerous milestones in parenting, this moment was a blend of joy and sorrow.
On one hand, the thought of gaining four hours of personal time daily feels almost surreal. After nine years of primarily being a stay-at-home parent, this September marks the beginning of my tenth year. A decade—an astonishingly long time for those of us who may not always feel mentally sharp.
I am confident my child will flourish in pre-K. During our visit, he was so captivated by the dollhouse, building blocks, and toy trucks that he needed to be literally pulled away when it was time to leave. My concerns lie more with my own feelings about the upcoming separation than with his adjustment.
While I desperately seek a break from the constant demands of caring for young children, I realize I will miss many aspects of this phase. I will long for the feeling of his small body curled up on my lap during a rainy day as I read him yet another train story. I’ll even miss his endless requests for snacks—Goldfish, chicken nuggets, cheese sticks, and water bottle refills. I’ll miss those sticky little hands tugging at my sleeve while I tackle a pile of dishes.
With seven months still ahead before he begins school, I navigate these days with the knowledge that they are dwindling. It creates a unique feeling of anticipation mixed with nostalgia. While I look forward to some of the more challenging aspects of parenting becoming easier, I cannot help but reflect on the fleeting nature of our time together. This realization weighs heavily on my heart.
In the early stages of motherhood, it was challenging to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The combination of sleep deprivation, intense demands from my children, self-doubt, and a yearning for peace made it difficult to believe that things would ever shift.
Now, however, I have a specific date marked on my calendar that symbolizes newfound freedom. As I watch the days pass, a simple phrase resonates in my mind: “It was worth it.”
Every moment has been worth it.
A decade spent wiping away tears—both theirs and mine. A decade of dealing with runny noses. A decade of being awakened by tiny fingers prying my eyes open. A decade of solitary 12-hour days spent with kids under the age of ten. A decade of never completing a single task without multiple interruptions. A decade of laundry stained with spit-up, pasta sauce, and juice. A decade of cold coffee, hurried meals, and constant mess from half-eaten snacks.
A decade of counting down the minutes until bedtime, followed by gazing at their peaceful sleeping faces and silently apologizing for my earlier impatience. A decade of feeling like I could never meet their expectations, yet being everything to them.
It was worth it. Every challenge, particularly those that seemed insurmountable, ultimately contributed to my growth and understanding. In those moments of despair, when I felt I could not endure any longer, it was love that carried me through. Love revealed my resilience and taught me how much I could accomplish on minimal sleep. Love also reminded me to be kinder to myself.
I recognize that the start of school will not erase all the challenges of motherhood. Parenting older children presents its own set of emotional hurdles, which can sometimes outweigh physical exhaustion. Still, as I anticipate this change, I am reminded of how swiftly these years have passed. I strive to live each day fully, understanding that both the challenging and joyful moments are temporary. Ultimately, I believe that everything—including the most overwhelming experiences—will prove worthwhile in the end.
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Summary:
The journey of motherhood is filled with both challenges and cherished moments, creating a complex tapestry of experiences. As children grow and milestones are reached, it’s essential to recognize the value of every moment, even the difficult ones. Despite the impending changes, the love and growth experienced during these years remain paramount.