Updated: Feb. 18, 2016
Originally Published: April 16, 2011
Before I welcomed children into my life, I was never one to crave solitude. I thrived on the company of others, and it drove me crazy when my partner would leave for work trips, leaving me alone at home (with my dogs, who I considered my little companions, so that hardly counted as “alone”). I didn’t think I needed personal time and believed that was just part of my character—something I would never change.
Fast forward a few years, and the notion of alone time has transformed into a cherished fantasy. A little getaway for myself, perhaps, or simply a space that is exclusively mine—no sharing allowed. While I still adore my partner’s company more than anyone else’s, the most romantic gesture he could make now would be to whisk me away for a night of peace—imagine a luxurious king-sized bed, a relaxing soak in a tub, room service, and a binge of Netflix.
However, I genuinely enjoy being at home with my children. If I had to work full-time outside of the house, I would feel a profound sense of loss. Yet, as someone tasked with the care of two energetic little ones—who, let’s be honest, can hardly fend for themselves—I often find myself yearning for moments when I’m not the center of their universe all the time.
I used to hear other mothers express similar sentiments and think, “But you chose this!” Why complain about the responsibility of caring for children when it’s what you desired? We often discuss stay-at-home parenting as though it’s merely a luxury, something that could easily be handled by a nanny or daycare without much difference. While we acknowledge motherhood as the “world’s toughest job,” we seldom recognize its immense value.
Being a stay-at-home parent is about much more than just supervising kids. It involves a complete transformation in how you view yourself, how your partner perceives you, and how your family operates as a whole. You have to keep your children’s needs and desires at the forefront while balancing your own—juggling the big picture with the smallest of details. While your partner is focused on providing, you’re entrusted with nurturing their hearts, all while feeling as if you’re in a race where you’re balancing eggs on spoons. There are no breaks, no clocking out. It’s a 24/7 commitment.
I don’t believe stay-at-home parents hold more importance than working parents, nor do I think the parent who primarily handles childcare is any more or less valuable than the one who ensures the bills are paid. Every family finds its own rhythm, and that’s perfectly fine. However, one undeniable sacrifice that stay-at-home parents make is the fundamental need for occasional solitude. That’s why, regardless of how fortunate we may feel to be full-time caregivers, we still fantasize about taking a well-deserved break—preferably in a cozy, empty bed that doesn’t require sharing or making in the morning.
This article was originally published on April 16, 2011.
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In sum, while parenthood is rewarding, the need for personal time is a common desire among those who dedicate themselves to full-time caregiving.
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