“Are you a stay-at-home mom?” my 11-year-old niece, Emma, asked, leaning in with curiosity. Taken aback, I replied, “Why? What difference does it make? Yes.”
Her response was tinged with wistfulness. “That must be nice,” she said, as if envisioning a life of leisure and simplicity. Sitting beside her was my sister-in-law, Kate, who had driven us to the mall for a delightful afternoon celebrating my daughter’s birthday. The atmosphere was lively, with five energetic children chatting away in the backseat.
The question hung in the air, creating a slight tension, reminiscent of that awkward moment when you ask someone when they’re due—only to find out they’re not pregnant. Fortunately, Kate quickly interjected, “Well, it’s not easy.” I appreciated her validation of the hard work I’ve put into motherhood over the past nine years, but a part of me longed to hold Emma’s face gently and exclaim, “Yes! It’s amazing!”
With two of my kids now in full-time school and the youngest attending preschool twice a week, I relish five precious hours of solitude each week. Sure, I might use that time for meal planning or tackling laundry, but it’s still mine! The perks of my role as a mother are plentiful. I enjoy uninterrupted sleep, spontaneous showers, time to practice music, read, write, and occasionally indulge in a movie before the school run. It’s the adult life I always envisioned.
As I navigate through the challenges of motherhood—its sleepless nights, diaper changes, and toddler meltdowns—I can see a glimmer of light. Yet, I hesitate to express this for fear of how it might be perceived by Kate. She expertly balances her career and family life, a feat I deeply admire. However, I often find myself reflecting on the divisive narratives surrounding stay-at-home vs. working mothers, filled with heated online debates declaring one path superior to the other.
I explained to Emma that I had envisioned becoming a mother before pursuing a career. As my youngest approaches kindergarten, I am indeed formulating a career plan—one that has been shaped by my experiences as a mother. This realization dawned on me: my sister-in-law and I are not competitors. We are allies, each with distinct yet equally valid journeys.
During our car ride, we both aimed for the same goals: indulging our children, enjoying a meal, and ensuring a smooth transition back home. In recent years, I’ve grown more comfortable in my choices. I’ve learned that there is no finish line in parenting—no race to determine who is the superior mom. Instead, we are all engaged in the same carpool of life, supporting one another as we navigate the journey of parenthood. If you want to pick up on Tuesday and I’ll take Thursday, I’m totally game.
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In summary, motherhood should not be viewed as a competitive race. Each woman’s path is unique, and we should support one another in our choices, whether we are stay-at-home moms or working mothers. Embrace your journey, and remember that we are all in this together.