Updated: Jan. 28, 2021
Originally Published: March 6, 2016
“Oh no!” gasped the mother. “Sweetheart, are you hurt? What’s bothering you?” The young girl began to cry, and what seemed like a minor incident quickly escalated into a situation that might have warranted a 911 call. The mother scooped her daughter into her arms, continuing to reassure her with words about scraped knees and magical mommy kisses that would make everything better. As they entered the store, the little girl and I shared a glance, and I could almost hear the thoughts behind her tears: “I’ve got this under control.”
Admittedly, that might be a bit extreme, but the little girl was fully aware of the impact her tears had, and her mother fell right into her emotional trap. I can certainly relate; my own children have pulled similar stunts.
We currently exist in a society dominated by fear—fear of injuries, fear of loss, fear of the unknown, and fear of failure. Unfortunately, our children are bearing the brunt of this anxiety. In our quest to shelter them from harm, we inadvertently foster a culture of overprotective parenting, ultimately raising a generation of kids who struggle to think independently.
As someone who grew up in the 1970s, I have a different perspective. I was born late enough to skip the disco craze but early enough to remember the days when smoking was allowed on airplanes. Living in the countryside, I spent countless hours exploring the woods behind my home, often alone. Yes, a 6-year-old girl, wandering the woods unsupervised.
My parents were well-meaning and loving, but by today’s standards, they might have faced charges of child neglect. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when society became so fearful, but I suspect it began with the era of participation trophies and the elimination of the word “no” from parenting lexicons. Since then, many have become hyper-vigilant, ready to criticize any parent who dares to step back.
For instance, one day, my 4- and 6-year-old were happily drawing with sidewalk chalk in our driveway while I took a brief bathroom break. Upon my return, I encountered a passerby who expressed concern over my “unattended” children, despite the fact they remained exactly where I’d left them.
In today’s context, if you’re not hovering over your child at the park, ready to intervene at the slightest hint of a fall, you’re labeled as negligent. If you allow your kids to ride a few feet ahead of you on a bike ride, you’re deemed irresponsible. If you can’t maintain constant surveillance, you’re often judged as a bad parent.
I understand that parenting norms have evolved, and that we live in a different world than the one of my childhood. However, the differences aren’t as vast as we might think, and I worry that my children will struggle to navigate the complexities of life if they’re never given the chance to do so independently. Children develop resilience and critical thinking skills by confronting challenges on their own. But how can they gain these skills if they’re always shielded from discomfort?
It’s essential to love your children, but it’s equally important to allow them to face challenges. Let them experience failure, learn to problem-solve when they think no one is watching, or at least let them believe that. They will appreciate the life skills they gain from these experiences later on. For more insights on navigating parenting and fertility options, check out this excellent resource.
In conclusion, embracing a balanced approach to parenting can foster independence and resilience in children. While it’s natural to want to protect our kids, allowing them to encounter life’s minor scrapes and challenges can ultimately lead to more capable and self-sufficient individuals.