Updated: Oct. 19, 2023
Originally Published: March 1, 2016
I found myself at a birthday celebration for a friend’s child when the situation unfolded. My youngest was nestled on my right hip—his favorite spot—while my older child clung to my leg, calling out, “Mommy, Mommy, pick me up!” Naturally, I lifted my older child onto my other hip.
As fatigue set in, I attempted to lower my baby, but he immediately erupted into a symphony of discontent. I switched tactics and set my baby down instead, only for my toddler to whimper, “Mommy, I need you!” in the most persuasive tone.
Seeking a solution, I located a spacious armchair and settled in with both kids until they had their fill of cuddles. Eventually, my toddler was the first to hop down, captivated by a towering Lego creation. Meanwhile, my baby remained content in my lap until he spotted the snack table.
He pointed enthusiastically at the snacks, urging me to join him. I hoisted him back onto my right hip and prepared a small bowl of cheese. Just as he began to munch happily, a woman—likely a relative of my friend—leaned in and remarked, “You really should put that baby down. He’ll never learn to walk if you carry him all the time. You’ll spoil him.”
My initial reaction was to laugh off her comment, a reflex born from embarrassment. “No thanks,” I managed to reply, my thoughts racing for an adequate comeback, which never came. She continued, “You’re going to spoil him rotten, and the other one too,” gesturing dismissively at my toddler.
Despite my internal turmoil, I held my baby throughout the event. I engaged in laughter and conversation, yet inside, I was seething. Why didn’t I stand up for myself? Why did I let her unsolicited advice dampen my spirits?
Now, seated at my computer, I finally feel equipped to address her comments.
Dear Observer,
If loving and holding my children means I am spoiling them, then so be it. I embrace the notion of having the most cherished kids around, because I refuse to deny them the security and warmth of my embrace. Acknowledging that some adults even pay for hugs, it’s clear how valuable physical affection is—perhaps you could explore such a group to foster your own humanity.
Traditionally, I believed that spoiling children meant catering to their every material whim—showering them with toys rather than fulfilling their emotional needs. Yes, they have their share of flashy toys, but they also crave and deserve ample “on” time with me. It’s my role as a parent to hold them, nurture them, and provide comfort.
While cradling my baby, I can multitask: applying skincare, brushing my teeth, and even tidying up—without ever needing to set him down. I can manage household tasks while my toddler frequently returns for hugs and conversation.
Thus, I will continue to hold them close, utilizing any baby carrier available—from wraps to structured carriers. I will always respond to their requests for affection until they no longer ask. When that day comes, I’ll know I’ve done my job well. I hope it won’t be until they’re grown, raising their own little ones in need of constant love and support.
Oh, wait a moment. I feel tiny hands tugging at my pant leg. Someone is eager for a snuggle, and another wants to be carried—just because.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I must go shower my children with the love they crave.
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Summary
The article discusses the importance of physical affection in parenting, emphasizing that holding and nurturing children fosters emotional security. The author addresses unsolicited advice regarding parenting styles, ultimately advocating for the prioritization of a child’s need for closeness and affection.