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The Distracted Dad
Oh look, the show is starting! Wait—what’s this? The entire view is obscured by smartphones and tablets! Come on, folks! Just enjoy the show! Let’s not block the view with our devices and heads! Oh wait, there’s my child. Just a few quick snaps—OK, and a short video—sorry, just a moment—had to catch my kid in action, you know? (Sits back down, scrolling through his phone.) Oh no. That wasn’t my kid!
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“My Child is a Star” Mom
They’re handing the microphone to my child! This is going to be a disaster! They don’t realize my kid never stops talking! From dawn to dusk, her mouth is non-stop—she even talks in her sleep! What a performer! Wait, she’s got the mic now! Uh-oh. Eyes wide, staring blankly. Silence. Are you kidding me?
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Eternal Optimist Mom
This is going to be the cutest thing ever! I adore kids! I love musicals! But… wow. Well, certainly, they’re giving it their all. The audience is trying to do the same. As we approach hour two, we’re shifting in our seats. Hour three—please, someone save me!
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The Criticizing Mom
Oh please, is that what you call singing? How did he get the lead role? Look at her dance—so clumsy! Tsk tsk! That kid can’t even remember his lines! Just wait until my little genius takes the stage! Here he is! Go, Tyler! What are you doing? Stand up! Say your line! Oh no, Tyler, not the light! And stop licking your shoe! Why are you rolling around?
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The Business-Minded Mom
Forget waterboarding—this is the ultimate torture method: “Sitting on a Metal Folding Chair for Three Hours.” I’ll sell this technique to the FBI and CIA—no suspect will survive the auditory assault!
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Memory Keeper Mom
Yes, I’d love a program for the play! My kid’s name is in here! I’ll cherish it forever. I’ll hold it on my lap during the show. After it’s over, I’ll gently place it in the backseat, ready for his memory box at home. Oh, wait—did I forget it was there? Months go by, buried under snack wrappers and old gym socks. Time to clean out the car. No sign of the program. Make a mental note to be more careful next time. New show, new program. Here we go again.
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The Unfortunate Dad
Oh man, why did I eat that ice cream before the show? My stomach is not happy… only one solution here. But if I let it out, everyone will hear! Somebody, please sing loudly or hit a drum! Cover for me—I’m about to erupt!
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The Enduring Mom
So proud my child got a role in the middle school production of “Annie.” She’s “Background Orphan #9.” Not thrilled there are five—yes, FIVE—performances to sit through. If I hear “The Sun’ll Come Up Tomorrow” once more, I might just lose it! And why does Daddy Warbucks always pick Annie? Switch it up a little, will you? Any other kid will do!
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The Proud Parent
Costume — $38
Dance lessons — $65
Watching your 5-year-old twirl the wrong way and crash into the other dancers—priceless. -
The Impressed Mom
Look at all this talent on stage! (Smiling) Wow, that kid on the right is destined for a singing career! (Grinning) And that kid in the middle—Broadway star material! (Wincing) Oh, and that’s my kid on the left. Looks like we’ll need to work on some skills!
For more on parenting and navigating the ups and downs of school productions, check out our other blog posts, like this one on parenting challenges. If you’re considering home insemination, you can find reputable At home insemination kits online. And for more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, listen to this excellent resource from the Cleveland Clinic on IVF and fertility preservation.
In summary, every school play has its colorful characters—from the overly enthusiastic to the quietly judgmental. Regardless of their quirks, one thing is for sure: these parents are there to support their kids, even if it means enduring a few awkward moments along the way.
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