I had a strategy in place. I intended to outline how regular intimacy can enhance a marriage. I planned to enumerate the reasons behind my eagerness to engage in sexual activity, emphasizing that for my partner, Alex, and I, a fulfilling intimate life translates into increased happiness, greater household cooperation, and a renewed sense of nostalgia for simpler times.
“He’s so much more cooperative when he’s well-satisfied,” I would assert. “It’s backed by science.”
Our rhythm was reliable, occurring every other day. We liked to pretend it was spontaneous, as planned intimacy felt mundane. It was as if we’d fortuitously ended up in bed together, just 48 hours after our last rendezvous. It was a charming routine that worked seamlessly for us.
However, life intervened. Not the usual challenges of parenting or minor inconveniences but rather significant upheavals: health crises, career shifts, and emotional turmoil that felt seismic.
During moments of intense stress, I find myself shutting down. My body reacts negatively—skin issues flare up, I get canker sores, and my menstrual cycle becomes erratic despite having undergone a uterine ablation procedure.
Unfortunately, when life gets tough, sex quickly slips from my priority list. And I mean that it plummets like a stone. In moments of crisis, intimacy is far from my mind—so are basic self-care routines.
I braced myself for the potential unraveling of my marriage, anticipating that Alex would become irritable, that disputes would arise, and that resentment would seep in. Yet, none of that occurred.
Instead, he offered support. He massaged my shoulders, brought me coffee, and embraced me even when I lacked the energy to reciprocate. He listened to my worries without attempting to solve everything and stepped in quietly to help when I was too overwhelmed to ask.
He provided space when I needed it, managed communications, and even took care of meals by ordering takeout. He took on responsibilities without expecting anything in return.
Previously, I believed that frequent intimacy was the key to our successful marriage, but I was mistaken. The true foundation lies in an attitude of service and support. I didn’t fully grasp how deeply Alex cared until he had to take on the role of caretaker.
It turns out, those moments of intimacy had lasting benefits, but they weren’t the sole reason for our strong bond.
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Summary
In times of personal crisis, intimacy may falter, but the strength of a partnership can shine through in unwavering support and service. This experience highlights that the core of a successful marriage lies in mutual care rather than just physical connection.