Ten years ago, I discovered I was expecting my first child. The last decade has been a rollercoaster filled with challenges and joys, unexpected events and delightful surprises. If I were to heed the myriad of “parenting experts” available, I could easily conclude that I have made countless mistakes along the way.
As a new mother, the errors I perceived felt overwhelmingly significant, especially my choice to stop breastfeeding. Let me clarify that I fully support breastfeeding and advocate for a woman’s right to choose how she nourishes her baby. For numerous mothers, breastfeeding fosters a strong bond with their infants, but my experience was different. I nursed my first son for a painfully long six weeks, and I disliked every moment of it. Unfortunately, I felt resentment towards my baby during this time, and my struggles with breastfeeding exacerbated my postpartum depression, hindering our bonding process.
Ending my breastfeeding journey after such a short time was fraught with guilt and shame. Society often suggests that mothers should prioritize their children’s needs above their own, and the mantra that “breast is best” looms large. While this may hold true for many mothers, it did not apply to my situation. Ultimately, choosing to stop was the best decision for both my son and me. By the time my second son arrived three years later, I was resolute in my decision not to breastfeed at all.
I hold admiration for those who manage to breastfeed and enjoy the experience. However, as Amy Poehler succinctly puts it, “Good for you! Not for me.” I also deviated from several other parenting norms in my early days as a mother. For instance, I recognized my own need for rest and opted to sleep train my son when he was merely a few months old, adhering to a strict nap schedule. I would sometimes rush home to avoid a brief car ride nap, opting instead for a restful two-hour nap in his crib.
Capturing hundreds of photos during my son’s first year may have drawn me into distraction, yet this act provided a valuable outlet during a time when I battled postpartum depression. While some may criticize this as counterproductive to mindful parenting, those photos served as a lifeline, offering a temporary escape from my darker thoughts as I sought recovery.
As my children have grown, my “mistakes” have shifted. I occasionally use colorful language in front of them, teaching them the appropriate context for swearing. I allow my nine-year-old to sleep with a blanket and suck his thumb, rationalizing that orthodontic bills are a minor price for peaceful nights. Contrary to my earlier parenting years, I find myself taking fewer photographs now, which leaves me concerned about documenting our family memories. However, I remind myself that I am savoring everyday moments, preserving these experiences in my own unique way.
Perhaps most notably, I am a yeller. I raise my voice during sibling disputes, when I’ve issued the same request for shoes multiple times, or when the noise level escalates. While I understand that yelling is not the ideal approach, I also know that I can learn from these moments. I apologize and discuss my feelings with my children, illustrating that parents have emotions too.
In today’s world, everyone seems to have a definitive opinion on the “right” way to raise children. With an abundance of conflicting advice from experts, bloggers, and fellow parents, it becomes easy to feel judged and burdened by guilt over our perceived shortcomings. However, what may be a mistake for one parent could be a triumph for another. There are innumerable valid ways to love and to parent.
Over the past decade, I have undoubtedly made my share of what some might label errors. I am sure I will continue to do so throughout my parenting journey. Yet, perhaps regret should not be part of that equation. Mistakes can be part of the learning process, allowing us to trust ourselves and embrace the adventure of parenting.
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In summary, my journey through parenting has been riddled with decisions that may be deemed mistakes by some, yet I view them as essential experiences that have shaped my approach. Rather than dwell on regret, I embrace the learning process that comes with each choice I make along the way.