My Partner Is Not My Best Friend

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Life is full of predictable events. If you wash your car, it’s likely to rain; if you Google minor symptoms, you may end up convinced that you have a serious illness. Similarly, when someone shares a post about their wedding anniversary, it’s almost guaranteed they’ll refer to their spouse as their “best friend.” Phrases like “I married my best friend” or “I’m so lucky to wake up next to my best friend” are ubiquitous. However, I find myself hesitant to use that phrase when talking about my husband.

To say he’s my best friend would be an understatement akin to calling a hurricane a breeze. There’s no expression that can fully capture the depth of our bond. Before you dismiss this as just another brag about a perfect marriage, let me clarify: we are an ordinary couple with our share of disagreements—over trivial matters and significant issues alike. We often find ourselves arguing, and like any couple, we sometimes let life’s busyness come between us. My husband knows exactly how to push my buttons, and yes, he has a knack for timing—like choosing the worst moments to use the bathroom.

What makes our relationship special is not just that he knows how to annoy me but that he understands me at a level that few others do. My best friend might know my fear of zombies, but my husband knows the backstory behind that fear: my older siblings let me watch a horror movie when I was just five. While my friends might remember that I dislike fish or that tequila isn’t my friend, my husband knows my social security number, the medications that cause me to bloat, and the emotional connection I have with my childhood stuffed bear.

Friendships are vital to my well-being; I treasure the laughter and memories we share. However, the emotional stakes in my friendships are different. I’ve never experienced the heartbreak of watching a shared life unravel with my friends or fought alongside them to mend it. They can offer advice, but they’re not as deeply invested in the outcome as my partner is. Their support, while appreciated, pales in comparison to the emotional depth I share with my husband.

Marriage demands hard work, sacrifice, and resilience. It’s about navigating life’s challenges together, even when everything seems to go wrong. This effort deserves a title that surpasses merely “friend.” While you can add “best” to “friend” and call it a day, that doesn’t reflect the intricate, messy, and beautiful reality of our love. The term “soulmates” also falls short, as it implies a seamless connection that overlooks the reality of our struggles.

Until a better term is coined, I’ll keep it simple and choose humor in our anniversary cards. His laughter brings me joy, and these shared moments are what define our relationship—far beyond the label of friendship.

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In summary, the relationship I have with my husband transcends the simplistic notion of friendship. It embodies a partnership characterized by deep emotional investment and shared experiences that shape us as individuals and as a couple.

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