When little ones pose questions about sex, it is often beneficial to respond with factual information instead of diverting the conversation. Many parents choose to delay these discussions until they believe their children are old enough to understand. In doing so, they may spend years dodging difficult inquiries and crafting elaborate explanations to avoid uncomfortable dialogues. Unfortunately, this often leads to confusion. Many young children may actually be more ready to learn the truth than we assume.
In a reflective piece for a parenting blog, Jessica Lane shares an experience with her inquisitive 4-year-old son. After noticing his body and expressing curiosity about it, he innocently commented, “Mommy, I think these are my kidneys.” After a brief conversation about kidneys and urine, Jessica realized that her son was trying to understand his own anatomy. She decided to clarify, “Those are called testicles.” When he asked if urine could pass through them, Jessica explained, “No, but they are part of your penis, so I see why you would think that.”
When her husband returned home, their son eagerly revisited the topic. His father elaborated that testicles produce sperm, and when the boy inquired what sperm was, his dad confidently explained, “Sperm goes into the womb and can create a baby.” Happy with the answer, the boy returned to his toys, satisfied with the information.
Jessica’s husband expressed, “I prefer our child to know the facts. If they ask, they are ready to learn.” This approach mirrors my own philosophy with my children. At ages seven and five, they possess a greater understanding of their bodies and reproduction than many of their peers, thanks to our commitment to honesty.
To be clear, this doesn’t mean I provide explicit details or graphic illustrations; rather, I answer their questions as they arise, addressing the topics in an age-appropriate manner. This ongoing dialogue replaces the need for a formal discussion later on.
While this strategy may not suit every family, growing up in an environment where sexual information was shrouded in taboo motivated me to adopt a more transparent approach with my children. I hold no resentment towards my parents; they believed they were acting in our best interest by withholding certain details. However, as a parent myself, I recognize the shortcomings of that approach and strive for something different for my children.
When we obscure information about sex or substitute facts with fanciful stories (like the Stork myth) or euphemisms for private parts, we ultimately do a disservice to our kids. It’s unnecessary to delve into explicit details, but providing clear, age-appropriate explanations about reproduction is crucial if they seek answers.
As Jessica’s husband wisely noted, children will hear information from peers if we don’t provide accurate responses. We’ve already faced situations where our daughter returned from school with bizarre notions about sexuality shared by classmates. By addressing these questions directly and truthfully, we empower our children against misinformation.
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In summary, when children ask about sex, providing honest, clear, and age-appropriate answers fosters understanding and empowers them to navigate misinformation. This approach not only clarifies their questions but also builds a foundation of trust and openness.