My partner Alex and I recently enjoyed dinner with some new acquaintances, having finally managed to coordinate a double date amidst our busy lives filled with young children. After several attempts at planning, we hired babysitters and ventured out kid-free for an evening. The food was delightful, and the conversation flowed effortlessly as we shared laughs about toddler tantrums, chaotic households, and our in-laws. It was a refreshing experience to connect with friends on such a genuine level.
Children truly are a universal connection point.
As our discussion evolved, Alex casually mentioned that I am a songwriter and had even auditioned for a popular music show. “Really?” our new friends exclaimed, surprised. “Wow, Sarah, I had no idea you played guitar!”
In that brief moment, I was caught off guard. Anyone who knows me is aware of my lifelong passion for music. For years, singing and playing guitar were significant parts of my identity, and writing songs consumed much of my creative energy. However, since becoming a mother, it seems I’ve relegated that part of myself to the background.
In my role as a stay-at-home mom, I’ve dedicated the last two years to crafting an ideal environment for my son, whom we affectionately call “Buddy.” Every moment has been meticulously planned with his interests in mind—countless hours spent at parks, engaging with puzzles, and exploring nature. I’ve created a carefully curated world for him, which has required immense effort and dedication. My days are busy, my home is bustling, and my heart is filled with love. But amidst all this, I can’t help but ponder: Am I more than just a mother?
Buddy entered this world as a fortunate child, often referred to as the son of a creative woman. I was an artist, a musician, a lover of literature, and someone who thrived on experiences. Fast forward two years, and here is how I introduced myself at a recent community event: “Hi, I’m Sarah. This is my partner Alex, and we have a delightful 2-year-old son named ‘Buddy.’ Um, that’s about it?”
While I’ve been focused on building a bright and joyful environment for Buddy, I’ve started to realize that his world doesn’t need to be constructed; it simply needs to be explored. My role is to guide him in discovering the beauty that already exists around us. Unfortunately, in my quest to make his world perfect, I’ve overlooked many things that once brought me joy.
Yesterday, I found myself standing in front of an old, dusty guitar case. A wave of nostalgia washed over me, and I was surprised to feel butterflies in my stomach. It hadn’t been that long since I last played, had it? I opened the case and embraced my old companion. The familiar weight of the guitar felt comforting as I clumsily strummed the strings. After an hour of playing and singing, I rediscovered an old hymn that lifted my spirits. As I put the guitar away, I smiled, feeling rejuvenated and fulfilled.
One day, when I’m no longer here, I imagine a conversation between Buddy and someone else might start like this: “So, Buddy, tell me about your mom.” In that moment, I hope he will remember the love he felt and the enriching childhood he experienced. I want him to recall my love for music, my dedication to our family, and even my struggles with my weight because of my fondness for cheesy snacks. Ultimately, I hope he will see me as someone who embraced life and taught him to appreciate the world around him.
While I cherish motherhood, I recognize that I am more than just a mother.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Sarah Lee explores the balance between motherhood and personal identity. After years of dedicating herself to creating a perfect environment for her son, she realizes the importance of rediscovering her passions and interests outside of motherhood. Through her journey, she emphasizes that while she loves being a mother, she is also an individual with her own dreams and passions.