A few months back, I penned a piece about the things that shouldn’t be said to a mom with boys. I aimed to blend humor and insight, sprinkling in a touch of sarcasm. I thought I was doing a public service by potentially saving folks from embarrassing foot-in-mouth moments. Surely, someone had to call out those clueless comments, right? I envisioned my post as an educational piece—akin to an NBC “the more you know” segment.
To create that article, I tapped into my own experiences, letting out frustrations and dissecting every offhand remark that had grated on me over the years. When my own well of irritation ran dry, I turned to friends, gathering their tales of woe. Convinced I had struck viral gold, I scoured for any gender-specific remarks that could be deemed rude or ignorant.
But in the end, I made myself miserable.
For days, I sat atop my metaphorical high horse, lamenting all the inconsiderate things I’d encountered as a mother of boys. Yet I realized I had been searching for offense in comments that might have only stemmed from ignorance.
The prevalence of these what-not-to-say lists is staggering. There’s a list for everything: what non-parents should avoid saying to parents, what parents should steer clear of saying to each other, and even what to say to parents of various family sizes. It’s no surprise these lists have gained traction—they’re entertaining, relatable, and often spot-on. Who hasn’t cringed at an insensitive remark? I certainly have, and I’ve made my share of blunders too. But here’s the thing: most comments don’t come from a place of malice. They might be awkward or ill-timed, but rarely do they carry true hostility.
While there’s value in raising awareness about insensitive comments—especially in areas that need societal change—I wonder if we’ve taken this trend too far. We’ve become so attuned to the potential for offense that it clouds our judgment, making us jump to conclusions about others’ intentions.
We need to lighten up a bit. We should give one another the benefit of the doubt. After all, not everyone has memorized the countless what-not-to-say lists circulating the internet.
As parents, we’re bombarded with information from blogs, websites, and the media, which can be both empowering and overwhelming. While these platforms offer support and camaraderie, they can also fuel insecurities and encourage public shaming—often in abstract ways.
I second-guess my parenting skills daily, feeling woefully unprepared for the challenges that come with raising children. I’m all for open conversations and truth-telling, but I sometimes wonder if we’ve conditioned ourselves to see each other as competitors rather than allies.
At the end of the day, we’re all striving to be the best parents we can be. Yes, there are rude people out there, but I truly believe that most individuals mean well.
Maybe we’d all feel a bit more at ease if we assumed goodwill and moved forward. Not every comment is a personal affront, and perhaps we should reserve our energy for genuine issues that deserve our attention.
So, what was on my list of things not to say? You’ll have to find that elsewhere—I’m not sharing it today. But I can’t promise I won’t chuckle the next time I see a “what not to say to…” article pop up on my feed because, let’s face it, those lists can be downright funny.
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In summary, let’s focus on kindness, understanding, and what we can say to uplift one another rather than just what we should avoid saying.
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