My son had recently celebrated his 5th birthday. This was the first year he truly grasped the significance of his special day and the wonder of no longer being 4 years old. I wish I could share in that enthusiasm about my own birthdays.
“Am I a big boy now, Mommy?” he inquired.
“Yes, sweetheart. You are indeed big,” I assured him.
A few days later, while we were out running errands, a woman approached us at the deli counter and smiled kindly, asking how old my son was.
“I’m 5!” he declared with the enthusiasm only a newly minted 5-year-old can muster.
The woman turned to me, raising an eyebrow. “Is he really 5?” she asked.
I smiled and nodded, not thinking much of her inquiry. After all, when my daughter was in elementary school, she had a quirky habit of telling people she was 27. Kids can be amusingly unpredictable.
“Wow. But he’s so small!” she said, reaching out to tousle my son’s hair. “Doesn’t your mommy feed you enough?” Although her tone was lighthearted, her words stung.
Yes, I’m aware that my child is on the smaller side. I recognize that the woman in the deli likely didn’t intend to be rude or to question my parenting skills. She was merely stating an observation, albeit one that was painfully obvious.
After purchasing our cheese, I noticed my son was unusually quiet. He didn’t greet the other shoppers with his usual exuberance or try to convince me to buy that oversized box of superhero fruit snacks, his typical behavior.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” I asked.
“Mommy, you said I was big,” he replied, his expression hinting at disappointment.
He had a valid point. For the past week, I had emphasized how big and grown-up he was, only for that confidence to be undermined by a stranger’s casual comment.
How Should I Respond to That?
Though Kyle is 5 years old, he is about the size of a tall 2-year-old. Size 2T pants fit him around the waist but are slightly short in length. You could also say he resembles a shorter 3-year-old, but you get the idea—he’s little.
Despite his size, he is a healthy child. He had a rocky start in life, born with complex digestive issues and orphaned just days after birth. His early medical care and nutrition were subpar. We adopted him shortly after his third birthday when he was severely underweight and malnourished. I spent the last two years ensuring he was well-fed and catching up on lost growth.
He may be tiny, but I wonder if his lack of proper care during critical developmental years is why he is so small. Perhaps his biological parents were petite as well; I don’t have that information. Will he have a growth spurt next month and tower over his peers? Only time will tell.
He doesn’t even register on the growth charts for his age but is managing just fine. During the initial months after we brought him home, I focused on increasing the calorie content of his meals, adding heavy cream and butter to his food. Despite his challenging beginnings, my son is thriving and healthy, even if he is still small. Yes, I’m fully aware of his size.
Every time someone asks how old Kyle is, I find myself internally cringing at their predictable responses: “Wow, really? He’s such a little guy,” or “I thought he was younger.” As he grows older, he starts to process these comments, making it harder for me to brush them off. I constantly reassure him about being a big boy because that’s what mothers do. I also find myself giving him pep talks about differences more frequently due to the comments that innocently slip from others’ lips—comments made with no malice at all.
If my child were heavier, would people make similar remarks in his presence? Would they say things like, “Wow, that’s a hefty one you’ve got there,” or “What are you feeding him?”
Body Image and Acceptance
Body image and fat-shaming are critical topics today. A simple online search yields countless articles emphasizing the importance of teaching children that inner qualities matter more than appearance and that what your body can do is more significant than how it looks.
But does this principle only apply to those who are overweight? While it is generally considered rude to comment on someone being too large, pointing out that someone is too skinny seems to be acceptable. The truth is, no one should make remarks about another person’s body, regardless of their shape or size.
My child may be small, but he is strong. His tiny frame allows him to run, climb, and kick a ball (though interestingly, he claims that picking up his toys is “too hard” and leaves him exhausted). Will he grow taller than his classmates one day? Perhaps. He’s only 5, and so much of his future remains unwritten. Will he excel as a basketball player or become an award-winning jockey? For now, I’ll settle for a happy and well-adjusted child, and I believe he’s on the right path. His potential is not limited by his size.
So yes, I know my son is small. Please keep your comments about his body—and anyone else’s body—to yourself.
For more insights on family and parenting, feel free to explore this other blog post.
In summary, it’s essential to recognize that comments about a child’s size—whether small or large—can have a lasting impact. Every child is unique and should be celebrated for their individuality, rather than their appearance.