Updated: April 22, 2021
Originally Published: February 14, 2016
Bedtime is a cherished time for parents, signaling a moment of respite once the little ones are asleep. However, the process leading up to that peaceful moment can often feel like an intense workout. Who needs a gym membership when you have a toddler navigating a bedtime routine? For those new to this experience or seeking to compare strategies, the following guide outlines the “Five Stages of a Toddler’s Bedtime Routine.” Please note that individual experiences may vary based on the child.
Stage 1: Dinner Time
In our household, dinner marks the beginning of the evening’s challenges. It’s during this time that children under three seem to collectively decide that they despise everything and cry without cause (and sometimes, so do the adults). The goal is to get through the meal with some semblance of poise, negotiating with your toddler—or perhaps employing a firmer approach—to consume the food you painstakingly prepared. Often, it feels as though you are a novice lawyer pleading for a two-piece chicken dinner and a mere taste of a vegetable. At this point, I would settle for just a touch of that green bean. Stay resolute, breathe, and remember that toddlers are unlikely to starve themselves, as I’ve been reassured multiple times.
Stage 2: Bath Time
Bath time is a contentious affair. My child vehemently opposes it—at least initially. Expect loud protests on the way to the bathroom, only to have them suddenly revel in the bath once they’re in. However, as soon as it’s time to wash their hair, they revert to a state of despair. After rinsing away the remnants of their day, calm returns, and they once again enjoy the bath. This emotional roller coaster can be exhausting, but remember, your toddler is just as perplexed by their feelings as you are. Eventually, they must emerge from the bath, despite their newfound love for it. At this point, you’ll need to extract their slippery form from the tub, often met with fake tears. Applying lotion to an upset toddler is far from the serene scenes depicted in commercials.
Stage 3: ‘Milk & Mickey’ Calm Time
In our routine, this stage involves my toddler having a glass of milk while watching a brief episode of their favorite show, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. This calming activity ideally eases the transition to bedtime—though turning off the TV can be another struggle entirely. I highly recommend identifying a calming ritual for your child to incorporate into your nightly routine.
Stage 4: Tooth Brushing Time
When it comes time to brush teeth, expect significant resistance. Your toddler might push the toothbrush away, clamp their mouth shut, or engage in various antics that distract from the task. These behaviors are perfectly normal. After attempting to brush what you hope is at least 95% of their teeth, they’ll likely insist on trying it themselves, declaring, “My do it!” However, taking the toothbrush away may result in further tantrums. This phase can be particularly exhausting; consider delegating it to your partner, as I often do.
Stage 5: Story Time
This final stage often plays out like a negotiation:
Toddler: “Books! Books!”
Parent: “Alright, two books.”
Toddler: “No, five books!”
Parent: “Only two, I said.”
Toddler: “Five! Five! Five!”
Parent: “Let’s compromise at three since these are short.”
After a tug-of-war over book choices, you may find yourself reading the same favorites, much to your child’s delight. As you prepare to leave, expect an adorable declaration of affection like “I love you, Mommy,” which will undoubtedly melt your heart. You may even find yourself tempted to linger for a few extra cuddles, though be aware that this could restart the entire bedtime process.
In conclusion, if you find yourself in the midst of this nightly chaos, rest assured you are not alone. Many parents share your struggles during those crucial hours from 7 to 9 p.m. And as bedtime approaches, you can find comfort in the thought of the freedom that follows.
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