A few evenings ago, I overheard a gentleman proclaim, “We are pregnant.” Instantly, I felt a surge of irritation. My face flushed, and I could sense the heat rising within me. It took me back to all those moments when the words “we” and “our” were thrown around during my own pregnancy. For me, the experience was not a shared journey; there was no “we” in my pregnancy.
I mean no offense to those women who genuinely feel that their partners are a part of the pregnancy experience, and I admit, I envy them a little. I wish I could hear “we” without it triggering such intense feelings. After all, the spike in my stress levels upon hearing that word certainly wasn’t beneficial for either me or my baby. But the emotions are what they are.
Consider this: would a woman ever tell her friends, “We are getting a vasectomy” when her partner is heading to the clinic? Of course not! It’s he who is undergoing the procedure, not a joint decision to stop having children.
This all began during a dinner conversation when my partner announced to his colleagues that “we are pregnant.” This was around the time my clothes ceased to fit—not in that adorable baby bump way, but rather in the uncomfortable, tight-pants kind of way. I was experiencing swelling, frequent nausea, and a sudden onset of cellulite like never before.
As I sat there, consuming my nearly daily serving of instant mac and cheese, I gently reminded him that the only “we” in our pregnancy was the moment we conceived. He chuckled, perhaps thinking I was joking. But over the following months, he continued to use “we” repeatedly. Depending on my mood and physical discomfort at the time, my responses ranged from sarcastic remarks to outright tears.
Here are ten reasons why the phrase “we are pregnant” simply does not apply:
- It was not “we” who abstained from alcohol for an entire 10 months; that was entirely me.
- “We” did not sob uncontrollably when someone finished the last ice cream cone; that was me.
- Halfway through, “we” did not tear the crotch of my favorite pajama pants; that was me.
- “We” did not spend sleepless nights waking up to use the restroom every hour; that was all me.
- “We” did not endure invasive exams with misleading reassurances about feeling “a little pressure”; that was me (and let’s be honest, that’s an understatement).
- “We” did not experience sudden temperature swings that left me drenched in sweat.
- “We” did not have anxiety about social gatherings due to uncontrollable gas (at least, not due to pregnancy).
- “We” did not have a birth experience reminiscent of a horror film; I was the one experiencing it, while he observed.
- “We” did not push out something the size of a watermelon from something that once resembled a grape; that was me.
- Finally, “we” did not see my once perky breasts transform into something akin to deflated raisins; that was all me.
While we now share a beautiful baby, I was the one who carried the pregnancy.
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In summary, the experience of pregnancy is deeply personal and often singular for women. While partners can and should support, it is the woman who endures the physical and emotional changes that accompany this transformative journey.