My youngest child has developed a delightful fondness for my belly. For him, it serves as a sanctuary, a source of comfort. Whenever he experiences a minor mishap, I gather him in my arms, and he instinctively nestles against my chest and abdomen. With his tiny hand resting on my soft skin, he beams and says, “I love your belly.”
During moments when he craves some quality time with me, he often slides his hand beneath my shirt, exploring the contours of my stomach. He enjoys inspecting it, playing with it, and even jumping on it. Essentially, as long as he has access to my belly, he feels content. Just the other day, while seated in my lap, he declared, “Your belly is my home.” At that moment, my heart swelled with emotion.
It’s true; my belly was a nurturing space for all three of my children, and in many ways, it continues to be their refuge. Ironically, the very characteristics of my belly that my children cherish are the ones I often critique.
The softness, the rolls that appear when I sit, the stretch marks, and the way it can easily bunch up—all these traits are often viewed negatively by societal standards. On certain days, I find myself agreeing with these societal views. Despite exercising regularly and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, I have loose skin as a result of carrying three babies, two of whom shared the same space. Some aspects of my body simply cannot be altered, and they sometimes make me self-conscious.
However, every day, my children affirm my beauty. To them, I embody perfection. My sagging belly represents their home, and my body, with all its perceived flaws, offers them a sense of security. They are oblivious to the cellulite or the belly rolls I see. Their perception is solely centered on me, their mother.
It can be challenging to embrace the beauty our children see in us when we are inundated with society’s standards of attractiveness, which can adversely affect our body image. It’s difficult to remember that our self-worth is not tied to our physical appearance but rather to our character, especially when faced with contrasting messages.
Despite these challenges, I am determined to trust my children’s perspective over societal norms or my own insecurities. We must begin to acknowledge the same truths we express to our little ones but often neglect to internalize ourselves. Would we ever consider uttering the cruel things we tell ourselves to our children? How heart-wrenching would it be if we heard our kids speak negatively about themselves in the same way?
This is precisely what happens when we aren’t vigilant. Our children are observant; they absorb our attitudes and beliefs, shaping their understanding of beauty and self-worth based on our examples. When they witness us criticizing our own bodies or expressing dissatisfaction with our appearance, we risk imparting unhealthy messages about beauty and self-acceptance.
They see a beautiful woman whom they adore labeling herself as unattractive or flawed, and it prompts them to wonder, “If my mom believes she is imperfect, what must she think of me?” This internal conflict may lead our children to grapple with their self-worth, as they hold one view of their mother’s perfection while receiving conflicting messages from her.
Standards of beauty are primarily instilled at home. If we were to hear our children criticize themselves as we sometimes do, it would pierce our hearts. We would rush to defend them, countering negative thoughts with affirmations of their beauty and worth. We would go to great lengths to ensure they never feel inadequate, not because we exaggerate, but because we genuinely see them as perfect in their uniqueness—just as they see us.
Let us cease disputing our children’s perceptions of our beauty. We should not undermine their belief that we are perfect as we are. Instead of unconsciously conveying to them that they, too, have flaws that need correcting, we should embrace the same truths we relay to them.
Let us regard our imperfect bodies, with their soft areas and extra rolls, as homes for our most cherished loved ones. We should appreciate our bodies as miraculous vessels of life, liberating ourselves from the unrealistic ideals of perfection that society promotes. In the eyes of our children, we are flawless. They do not assign value to body parts until we teach them to do so.
Therefore, let us love ourselves as we love our children, and in return, embrace the love they offer us.
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In conclusion, let us embrace the beauty in our perceived imperfections and recognize that our value transcends societal standards.