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The Essence of Adult Friendship
by Jamie Parker
Updated: June 16, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 8, 2016
This afternoon, instead of focusing on my writing, I found myself distracted by the television. After browsing through a few channels, I stumbled upon Stand By Me, a beloved film from my childhood. At the conclusion of the movie, the narrator reflects, “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Honestly, does anyone?” His inquiry is clearly rhetorical, as it’s widely accepted that friendships during our formative years are unique. But is it truly the case?
Reflecting on my own youthful friendships, I realized that aside from a handful of individuals who have remained in my life since age 12, my current friendships are markedly different. I have fewer connections, and those I do maintain require more effort.
Amid the demands of work, family commitments, and nurturing my marriage while raising children, friendships can often feel like an added burden. Nurturing relationships as an adult is frequently challenging, awkward, and complicated. They can easily slip down our list of priorities. However, despite the stark contrast between childhood friendships and those in adulthood, the latter can be profoundly rewarding.
Adult friendship manifests in various ways: it’s driving three hours just to share a few precious hours together. It’s donning whimsical hats to support a friend during her first chemotherapy session. It’s quoting beloved lines from Dirty Dancing, Love Actually, The Princess Bride, or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, suited to the moment. It’s a group text on Thanksgiving morning simply stating: “Grateful we all still enjoy each other’s company.”
True friendship entails laughter until tears flow (or perhaps a little more) and tears that lead to laughter. It involves unintentional misunderstandings, where you find yourselves awkwardly navigating feelings, reminiscent of childhood disputes, yet emerging with a deeper bond. It’s offering to fold laundry for a friend who’s overwhelmed or comforting her as she grieves a lost loved one.
Friendship means not worrying about a tidy home before a visit, sharing late-night texts about parenting worries, or discussing political differences while still respecting each other’s views. It’s about stealing a quick lunch during a business trip, planning a weekend getaway that feels timeless, or reconciling after a brief falling out, only to realize your connection is too important to let go.
It’s reminiscing about old flames and wondering what your friend saw in them, questioning whether you’re doing enough for each other, and trying to communicate without dwelling too much on family matters. It’s going extended periods without face-to-face conversations yet feeling an undeniable sense of familiarity and love when you reunite. The shared secrets and experiences are the glue that holds these relationships together.
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Summary
In conclusion, while adult friendships may differ significantly from those of childhood, they possess their own unique depth and meaning. These relationships require effort but also bring profound joy and understanding. By cherishing these connections, we can navigate the complexities of life more easily.