I need to address an important issue regarding the perceptions around parental involvement. It’s time we acknowledge that in an equitable society, the notion of men being praised for “helping” with their children should be reconsidered. It would be refreshing to live in a world where fathers actively participate in child-rearing without it being labeled as something extraordinary.
The Complexity of Gender Roles
As society navigates the complexities of gender equality, we are still grappling with the division of roles that has historically placed men as breadwinners and women as caregivers. While progress has been made, we should strive for a more advanced understanding of parenting responsibilities.
A Day in Our Lives
My partner, Jake, and I maintain a strong, supportive partnership. However, during the critical hours of the day—from 6 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.—we manage our parenting duties as if we are single parents. On weekends and in the evenings, we enjoy our family time, but weekdays find me juggling the responsibilities of six children alone in the morning. I handle breakfast preparation, lunch packing, ensuring that everyone is dressed appropriately, and walking them to school. Then, I return home with the three little ones, keeping the twins out of mischief, entertaining the baby, reading stories, and putting everyone down for naps.
Jake steps in around 12:30, during nap time. He engages with the kids, sends them outside to play, and sometimes even invites their friends over, which can be a bit overwhelming. He ensures homework is completed, manages school paperwork, and takes care of the baby, including feeding and changing diapers. He also organizes the house and prepares dinner.
Shared Responsibilities
While I appreciate his contributions, I want to emphasize that what he does is not extraordinary; it’s simply the role of a parent. People often express surprise at our arrangement, saying things like, “It must be nice to have a husband who helps like that.” But I want to clarify: I did not make the decision to have six children alone. Parenting is a shared responsibility.
What Jake truly understands—where he distinguishes himself—is that my ability to work makes me a better mother. Not every parent feels this way, and that’s perfectly fine. However, he supports my career aspirations and recognizes that when he watches the kids, it’s not babysitting. When I go out with friends for book discussions or take a moment for self-care, that’s not babysitting either. When he tackles household tasks or gives me a chance to rest, he’s not merely “helping.” He’s parenting.
Friends or babysitters assist, but fathers parent. It’s crucial we recognize this distinction.
Further Reading
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Conclusion
In summary, it’s time we redefine the narrative around parental involvement. Parenting is a shared journey, not a favor or an act of charity.