Updated: March 12, 2021
Originally Published: Jan. 25, 2016
Last night was a struggle—I spent it in the bathroom, feeling utterly miserable. In fact, I have an entire section of my unpublished manuscript devoted to my disdain for stomach bugs. I know I should probably save my best material for the book, but here I am, sharing my thoughts. When I first pitched my work to a publisher, I described my target audience as “moms who detest stomach bugs.” Unsurprisingly, they weren’t interested. It seems there isn’t much of a market for literature aimed at those of us who are less than fond of vomit.
Now, as I writhe in discomfort, I feel compelled to make my case. We’ve just been exposed to a stomach bug, and it’s serious business. Lockdown mode is engaged. My response upon hearing the news feels reminiscent of a scene from a war film. Picture a soldier delivering grim news to a family, complete with screams and tears. That’s exactly how I reacted when the daycare called to inform me that my son had been sick. The poor woman on the line tried to comfort me, but I’m certain she’ll think twice before calling me again with such news. There has to be a more compassionate way to convey that everything I cherish is about to be tossed down the toilet or splattered on freshly laundered sheets.
Currently, my world is crumbling just outside my bedroom door. My husband, Mark, is truly a gem. He can juggle work, diaper changes, and feeding the kids—he does it all. But he doesn’t see the chaos that I do. The little ones keep sneaking into my room, causing a ruckus despite being reprimanded. I overhear my oldest say, “You can’t go back in there! Mom is really sick!” I’m too weak to get up and discipline him, and honestly, perhaps he should be warned.
Laundry is piling up, the babies are crying, and my head is pounding—nausea has become my unwelcome companion. And I hold you responsible. Yes, you, average family who decided to attend that potluck despite the illness. One or two of you spent the night vomiting, yet you still felt the need to show up. You arrived at the church looking pale and disheveled, sweat on your brow, and glazed eyes. You placed your questionable macaroni salad on the pristine tablecloth, while your children paraded in with store-bought cookies. When I asked if you were alright, you casually mentioned, “Oh, my husband and boys have been sick, but the girls wanted to come, and I had choir practice.”
My first instinct was to unleash my frustration with the untouched monkey bread I had prepared. If I were more confrontational, I might have insisted you leave immediately. Instead, I fled the scene, dragging my children along and leaving my casserole behind—it was clearly contaminated. I had to act quickly to protect my family. I gave Mark a signal that this was an emergency. He quickly scanned the room, ignoring his previous conversation. Code Red was in effect. He didn’t hesitate, swiftly maneuvering through the crowd to grab our belongings. The kids instinctively understood the urgency and followed our lead as we made our escape.
Unfortunately, it was too late for us as we succumbed in the end. Now, from my sickbed, I wrestle with my faith and my feelings toward you. So, let me make this clear: never announce in public that you’ve been vomiting all night. Text it, email it, or even send a carrier pigeon if you must, but please don’t say it face-to-face. Stay home. You are not indispensable. The world will continue spinning without your presence. Sunday school can survive without you.
Your reckless behavior has dismantled my household. I will eventually recover, sipping on medication as I rest. Someday, I hope to forgive you for your trespass into my life. Until then, I’ll navigate the aftermath of this illness, awaiting the arrival of the carpet cleaners, while I mourn lost time. I can only imagine you, clinging to your toilet bowl, as I float through your thoughts, a reminder of the chaos you’ve wrought.
Next time, please stay home.
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In summary, the next time you or a family member is feeling unwell, consider the larger impact on those around you. Staying home can prevent the spread of illness and allow for a quicker recovery for yourself and your loved ones.