It was our first date night since welcoming our newborn just 12 days earlier. After dinner, we decided to make a quick stop at the store for some baby essentials, our little one peacefully napping in the car seat while the other five were hopefully asleep at home with a babysitter.
As we approached the checkout, a woman joined the line with her grandchild in her shopping basket, the baby babbling away in a delightful, albeit incomprehensible, manner. Her husband stood behind her, and since I had just adjusted the car seat cover to peek at my baby, she noticed and exclaimed, “Oh my goodness! You have a brand new baby!”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied politely, while my husband completed the payment. I turned to place our bags in the cart when her husband chimed in, “Oh, looks like she’s got another one on the way!”—clearly proud of his observation.
I could have sworn I heard her mumble, “Uh-oh,” as my husband and I exchanged amused glances, bursting into laughter as soon as we exited the store.
The following day, just 13 days postpartum, we stopped for an oil change at my husband’s go-to place. This setup allowed us to stay seated in the car, eliminating the need to unbuckle any little ones or chase them around the parking lot. The attendant, familiar with my husband but not me, casually remarked as we were leaving, “See you soon, man,” before turning to me and saying dismissively, “Not you, I guess. I’ll see you after.”
My husband quickly rolled up the window, stifling a laugh until he asked the question on my mind: “After what?” Some people really miss the mark.
And while men often face scrutiny in these situations, it’s essential to acknowledge that women can be just as oblivious. I recall an encounter at a park a week after I delivered twins three years ago. Our twins arrived six weeks early, necessitating a stay in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). To celebrate one of our other boys’ upcoming birthdays, we took them to the park.
While the children played, I struck up a conversation with another mother who gestured toward my postpartum belly and asked, “Is this one a girl?”
“Oh, no,” I replied, chuckling at the impending awkwardness, “I just had twin boys six days ago, and they’re currently in the NICU.” She nodded, seemingly understanding, but then asked, “So, when are they due?”
I had to patiently explain again, and after profuse apologies, she quickly left with her son.
Reflecting on experiences from nine years ago, when I first became a mother and wrestled with body image issues, I realize these moments could have bothered me deeply. Today, however, I understand the remarkable transformation a woman’s body undergoes during pregnancy. After giving birth, it’s unrealistic to expect the body to revert to its previous shape immediately.
The uterus, having nurtured a baby for nine months, requires time to return to its normal size. This process can’t be rushed; it often takes weeks, if not months. For a period, it’s common for women to still appear slightly pregnant, with a bump that could be misinterpreted.
So, when is it appropriate to assume a woman is expecting? The answer is simple: never. However, if you’re feeling particularly brave, here are some guidelines to help you navigate this sensitive topic:
- She doesn’t have a newborn with her.
- She explicitly states she is expecting.
- She does not mention having just had a baby.
If you’ve covered these bases, there’s one key indicator left:
- Her stomach resembles that of someone carrying an oversized basketball, she’s significantly waddling, and today happens to be her due date.
In all other circumstances, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself. It’s always better to err on the side of caution.
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Summary:
This article explores the social faux pas of assuming a woman’s pregnancy status, particularly in the context of postpartum bodies. It highlights personal anecdotes, emphasizing the natural transformation that occurs after childbirth and providing guidelines for respectful communication regarding pregnancy.