Fourteen years ago, a beautiful baby girl entered our lives, her hair thick and dark. Her cries were so loud that when we revealed her name to the doctor, he remarked, “That name is too gentle for such a spirited child.” Just six weeks later, as I held her, an overwhelming sense of dread washed over me. She wasn’t looking me in the eye—a simple act that, in that moment, felt monumental. My intuition screamed that something was profoundly amiss with my otherwise perfect daughter.
That moment marked the beginning of a transformative journey.
If only I could reach back to that anxious version of myself and share some wisdom, this is what I would say:
Dear New Mom of Lily,
Your instincts are telling you the truth—something is indeed wrong with your precious daughter. Many will try to reassure you that your worries stem from being an anxious parent or that you should seek medication to ease your concerns. While some doctors may acknowledge what you see, they might downplay its significance.
You will navigate a labyrinth of medical professionals in search of a diagnosis and practical support. The answers might not come easily or at all, but rest assured, there are still ways to advocate for her.
Always trust your intuition. If you sense something is off, chances are it is.
You are fortunate to have a partner who values your feelings and listens to your concerns; his support will be crucial on days when it seems like no one else understands your daughter’s challenges.
You will encounter remarkable educators and therapists who will help Lily achieve milestones that once seemed impossible. Their insights will be invaluable, especially when faced with medical advice that feels contradictory or confusing. Surround yourself with trusted allies who can guide you in deciphering when to challenge a prognosis and when to accept reality.
Expect that some friends and family may not react as you hope. They mean well but may struggle to comprehend the gravity of your situation. Distance may result from their discomfort, but this is a reflection of their struggles, not yours.
Understand that you, too, will evolve. Everyday worries will fade in comparison to the challenges you face. You might find yourself feeling overwhelmed or irritable at times. Allow yourself the grace to feel and process these emotions, and seek out connections with others who share similar experiences. A professional can also provide essential support when needed.
Don’t assume that everyone who looks at you or Lily has malicious intentions. While there will be those who are unkind, many will offer unexpected kindness. You will witness the resilience and generosity of the human spirit.
Allocate time for your other children to bond with you and your partner. Encourage them to express their emotions and fears openly. Embrace the unique family dynamic you are creating together.
Lily is a remarkable individual. Like all children with special needs, she has her own journey and perspective. Watching her develop will feel miraculous yet maddening at times—this is all part of the experience.
Plan for the future, but remain present and avoid making assumptions. Lily may surprise you with her achievements at 14, defying what others predicted.
Prepare for moments of frustration; you will not always feel like a saint, nor will she. Celebrate her victories, however small, and allow yourself to feel anger when necessary—it’s healthy for both of you.
Treat her as you would any other child. Set boundaries and expectations; kindness is not synonymous with leniency.
Remember, she is not here to fulfill any preconceived notions of the ideal child. Every child is unique, and it’s vital to let Lily become the person she is meant to be. Likewise, give yourself permission to embrace the family you are growing into. Avoid getting lost in “what if” scenarios; they serve no purpose.
You will be astonished at the family that you and your partner will cultivate.
For further insights into navigating parenthood, consider exploring this blog on home insemination, as well as resources from the CDC for valuable information about pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, you may find this guide on couples’ fertility journeys helpful as you navigate your path.
Summary
Parenting a child with special needs presents unique challenges and profound joys. Trust your instincts, seek supportive relationships, and embrace the journey of growth—both for your child and yourself. Expect changes, celebrate victories, and allow yourself to feel a full range of emotions. Ultimately, focus on nurturing the family you are becoming.