At the age of 12, I made my first conscious decision to let go of something. Growing up with a heavier frame, shedding pounds was a recurring theme in my resolutions. Over the years, my aspirations have evolved; some years I committed to quitting habits like nail-biting, while other years, I devoted myself to the latest weight-loss fad. For over three decades, I have been caught in a cycle of losing or quitting something.
Amidst all the focus on loss, I never paused to consider what I might want to gain. This year, I find myself reflecting on this question. Is it something I misplaced along the way, or perhaps something I never possessed? There’s a chance it’s something I have long feared to embrace.
One area where I feel I may have faltered is in finding my voice. Like many women, I have often allowed the opinions and needs of others to overshadow my own, effectively silencing my inner self. When I muster the courage to speak up, guilt often follows. I question my actions and frequently dismiss my own thoughts, fearing they might reveal my true identity.
This habit of silencing my voice has become ingrained. For years, I have strived for perfection, and it’s been exhausting. I’m weary of the comfort that comes from always taking the easy route to avoid confrontation and ensuring peace, even when it contradicts my authentic self.
We often impose unrealistic expectations upon ourselves to please everyone around us, leading to a life spent in the safety of compliance. We ignore that inner voice urging us to be true to who we are and to honor our individuality.
My journey to reclaim my voice has taken on new significance, especially as I watch my 8-year-old daughter navigate similar challenges. She often suppresses her own thoughts when asked for her opinion, instinctively seeking validation from others. I see her struggle with self-doubt, hesitating to express what she genuinely wants to say.
In our discussions, I encourage her to find and use her voice with confidence. She hears me express frustration about the times I’ve allowed my voice to remain silent, and I hope she learns from my experiences.
It’s important to recognize that girls do not simply choose to remain voiceless; rather, they are influenced by the environment around them. It has taken me considerable time to realize that I have the power to shape my own identity, including my voice.
Sometimes, I ponder why it took me so long to acknowledge my voice and trust in it. Then, I remind myself that personal growth progresses at its own pace. I will arrive at my destination when the time is right.
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In summary, this year, my focus is not on what I can lose, but rather on what I can gain—mainly, my voice and authenticity. By fostering this change, I hope to inspire not only myself but also my daughter, creating a legacy of empowerment and self-expression.