This year, I decided to create an Advent calendar for the holiday season. As I meticulously filled each sparkly pocket with three candies—one for each of my kids—I envisioned them coming down the stairs with excitement, their little halos shining, eager to discover their daily treat. I dreamed of laughter and warm hugs. However, the magic lasted only two days.
By the third day, my children began squabbling over who got which candy. I thought that selecting three different treats for each day would be delightful, but instead, it turned into chaos. In an attempt to drown out their bickering, I resorted to running the vacuum cleaner. Before I knew it, I found myself wrestling with it in my pajamas, shouting, “Who cares what kind of candy you get! This is supposed to be special!” At that moment, any remaining sense of specialness had been lost.
As I retreated upstairs to put on a proper outfit and calm down, it hit me: I was trying far too hard to create memorable moments for my children. My expectations of how they should appreciate these experiences were completely unrealistic. It’s not that my partner and I are overindulging them; rather, I was overloading them with what I perceived as special moments. I realized that these experiences need to belong to them, not me. Just because I find something extraordinary doesn’t mean they will share the same sentiment, and when they don’t, it leads to frustration and disappointment on my part. All my efforts felt unappreciated, and I found myself yearning for recognition. The truth is, they likely won’t grasp the significance of these moments until they become parents themselves, and this isn’t why I engage in these activities. Clearly, a change is necessary.
Unplanned Moments Are Often the Most Special
Reflecting on my own life, I realize that my fondest memories stemmed from spontaneous, unstructured experiences. There was no pressure to exhibit excitement or gratitude, no elaborate arrangements, and certainly no frantic parent shouting in the background.
For instance, there was a day when my partner unexpectedly came home early during the first week my three children started school. We enjoyed a delightful afternoon together and decided to indulge in some fried chicken—a treat we hadn’t enjoyed in years. It felt more special than any meticulously planned date night, where I dressed up only to be mildly disappointed.
Another memory that stands out is when I discovered a bouquet of dandelions in my son’s room. When I remarked that they were wilting, he replied, “No mama, they’re just turning into wishes.” I believe that moment encapsulated the true essence of what it means to be special.
As I reminisce about my childhood, I recall that the magic often emerged unexpectedly, during times when I had no specific expectations. It wasn’t about what my parents did or didn’t do; it was more about the feelings we shared. Our lives are filled with these moments, and perhaps if I take a step back, adjust my expectations, and allow my children to experience magic in their own way, we will create more of those treasured instances. Next year, there may not be candy in the Advent calendar. I plan to stop asking them where they want to eat out, as that only leads to disagreements—apparently, a sibling quarrel over pizza is quite entertaining. As the parent, I will decide where we go for the best cuisine.
Additionally, I won’t exaggerate our plans for epic Saturdays filled with activities that often disappoint—too small balls or insufficient ketchup can derail even the best intentions. We’ll show up less frequently because their excitement often leads to unrealistic expectations that can’t be met.
I don’t aim for perfection—neither in my children nor in our experiences. I still want to create joyful memories for my family, but I will adopt a different approach. Because, you know what’s truly special? A mother who maintains her composure instead of losing her sanity in the quest to create unforgettable moments.
For further insights into creating meaningful family experiences, consider exploring this blog post. They offer valuable perspectives on navigating parenting challenges. Also, Make A Mom is a trusted resource for home insemination. If you’re looking for comprehensive information on procedures like IUI, check out this excellent resource.
In summary, I have decided to give myself permission to relax my expectations and allow spontaneous moments to unfold naturally, fostering genuine connections with my children.