Right after our wedding celebration, I squeezed my husband’s hand and said, “Let’s start a family.” And that’s precisely what we did. Before long, three children entered our lives, significantly shifting the dynamics within our home.
The nature of our communication has evolved dramatically. Instead of romantic whispers, our exchanges now include remarks like, “What is that smell? Didn’t you just change her?” or “You’ve got spit-up in your beard,” and “Why didn’t you stop him from eating that?” Foreplay has transformed into playful eyebrow raises. Time has become a precious commodity—always in short supply.
In our household, one of us often takes on the role of the fun parent, while the other plays the disciplinarian. These roles are not rigidly defined, but our children quickly learn who to approach for which type of request. The fun parent is frequently approached with pleas like, “Can we go to the park?” or “Will you help me build a fort?” Meanwhile, the disciplinarian bears the brunt of responsibilities like enforcing rules and handling grievances. While we occasionally bicker about these roles, we generally appreciate each other’s contributions, recognizing the depth of the challenges we face.
When a song from our early dating days plays, we share a knowing glance, even if it’s during a particularly chaotic moment, like changing a diaper while fumbling with a pacifier. My husband has become attuned to my emotional rhythms and can often sense when my PMS is on the horizon. My hormonal shifts can be overwhelming, and while I feel guilty about the impact, he always navigates it with silent understanding—his life depends on it.
We try to avoid keeping score, but it’s almost impossible not to monitor who last walked the dog, changed a diaper, or took out the trash. Occasionally, we engage in a playful competition like “Who Can Go the Longest Without Taking Out the Trash.” Yet, a small act of kindness from one partner can make all those petty counts seem trivial, leading to a spontaneous decision to take out the trash just to keep the peace.
In moments of sheer exhaustion, one partner often senses the other’s dwindling patience and rises to the occasion, providing support and reassurance. They have witnessed each other at their most vulnerable and are motivated to uplift one another, often prioritizing each other’s well-being over their own.
We’ve developed a sixth sense for recognizing when the other is genuinely asleep versus pretending to be. We often nudge one another during particularly challenging nights, whether it’s due to a child’s illness or nightmares. Sometimes, these nudges are playful; other times, they’re a call to action.
When a babysitter is unavailable but we crave a connection, we’ll put the kids to bed early after a quick dinner of chicken nuggets. We might then indulge in a lovely meal of grilled steaks and risotto, sharing stories of our children’s impressive moments and reflecting on our honeymoon adventures. Nostalgia for our pre-parenthood travels is always sweet, yet we find joy in planning family vacations to places that hold special significance.
When our child lets out a surprising curse word, we exchange wide-eyed glances, caught between shock and laughter. It’s too humorous to address immediately.
We cherish the countless milestones we experience together—first baths, first steps, and even the first successful potty use. If one of us isn’t present for these moments, we’re quick to reach for our phones, knowing that the other will share in our excitement.
The subtle taps on the shoulder when one child is doing something particularly adorable or clever have become an unspoken language between us. It’s the gentle reminder to appreciate the moment without drawing attention to ourselves.
Watching non-child-friendly shows feels like an indulgent date night, filled with anticipation. We can hardly contain our excitement as we settle in after putting the kids to sleep, reveling in the freedom to enjoy adult entertainment that we usually shield from our children.
Ultimately, being married with kids feels like creating a home filled with love and partnership. We embark on new experiences together, make mistakes, and occasionally achieve brilliance as a team. What truly matters are the date nights, shared milestones, and the playful moments that keep our connection strong. When our children grow up and leave the nest, we’ll likely still share an apple pie, reminiscing about the amazing journey we undertook together.
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Summary:
Marriage and parenting bring about a unique blend of joy and challenge. The dynamics shift as partners navigate shared responsibilities, keeping score, and finding moments of connection amidst the chaos. From shared laughter over a child’s antics to the warmth of late-night conversations, the journey is rich with milestones and memories that create a sense of home.