People often perceive me as someone who has everything under control—organized, confident, and effortlessly balancing the responsibilities of raising three children, managing a household, and writing. However, the reality is far from that idealized image. Parenting frequently feels like trying to navigate a yacht without any prior sailing knowledge, while my writing journey showcases only the triumphs, leaving the struggles hidden from view.
I do find time to write, immerse myself in a novel, and occasionally enjoy moments of doing absolutely nothing. Perhaps that’s why some believe I possess extraordinary abilities. In truth, I am merely a mom.
What Being “Just a Mom” Means to Me
Being “just a mom” doesn’t equate to losing my identity in motherhood or allowing it to dominate my life. Quite the contrary. For me, being a mom means:
- Ensuring my children are safe and healthy
- Making sure they are dressed appropriately for the weather—matching outfits are not a necessity
- Providing nourishment and ensuring they get enough rest
- Helping them become responsible and well-adjusted individuals in society
This is the essence of my motherhood. While some may take on additional roles, my approach is different.
- I am not a chauffeur. In fact, I don’t drive, and I prefer not to shuttle my children to after-school activities.
- I am not a teacher. I trust the school to handle my kids’ education. While I did teach them to read and value education, I expect them to complete their homework independently.
- I am not a gourmet chef. I enjoy cooking, but I do it primarily for myself. While I can whip up delicious meals, I am also content serving hot dogs or pre-packaged dinners. The menu often depends on my mood.
- I am not a housekeeper. I handle laundry and cleaning, but maintaining a pristine home is not my priority. I encourage my children to take responsibility for their belongings and do chores, and we also employ a cleaner weekly.
- I am not a mind reader. I don’t believe it’s my duty to anticipate my children’s needs or worries. There are plenty of other matters that deserve my attention.
- I am not a detective. I won’t spend time searching for lost items or figuring out who is at fault in sibling disagreements. If something is lost, it’s gone, and they need to learn to manage such situations.
- I am not a constant playmate or entertainer. My children have toys, friends, and can even watch videos or use tablets to keep themselves amused.
This perspective on being just a mom allows me the freedom to engage in activities I genuinely enjoy, such as writing, reading, and socializing.
I recognize that some women fully immerse themselves in motherhood, relishing art projects, driving to activities, and organizing picture-perfect birthday celebrations. For them, staying at home with young children is a profound commitment. For some, it feels like a sacrifice, while for others, it’s a joyful choice.
However, for me, this is not enough. After years of self-criticism, I have come to embrace my identity as just a mom, and that is absolutely sufficient.
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In summary, being a mom encompasses various responsibilities, but it doesn’t mean sacrificing my individuality. Embracing this role while prioritizing personal interests has been liberating, allowing me to navigate motherhood on my terms.