Recently, I attended a baby shower for a longtime friend whose wife is expecting their first child. While seated at a table with her college friends, who are all beginning their own family journeys, the young woman next to me was astonished when I mentioned I have four children. “I can’t fathom being a mother right now,” she joked with her friends, then turned to me and asked, “What’s it like to be a mother?”
“It’s wonderful,” I replied. “It’s challenging, but incredibly fulfilling.” She smiled appreciatively and moved on to the mini-muffins on the table. However, my response barely scratched the surface of what it truly means to be a mother. With that in mind, here’s a deeper exploration.
The Constant Struggle
To be a mother is to constantly feel as though you’re not doing enough while simultaneously struggling to give more. It involves devoting your time and energy to nurturing another person—feeding them, enrolling them in classes, and yet feeling guilt over what you haven’t accomplished.
Motherhood entails agonizing over decisions. Hours can be spent selecting the perfect back-to-school backpack, determining the best food combinations for meals, and evaluating which early music class offers the most benefits. It’s about feeling guilty over non-organic apples or non-natural shampoo, even going to multiple stores just to find chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs, because their happiness is paramount.
The Emotional Depths
Being a mother means recognizing the harsh realities of the world while grappling with guilt when your child desires a pair of sneakers that aren’t available in their size. You understand the abundance your children have but still wish to provide them with more. It’s the heart-wrenching realization of what you can’t give them, even when they don’t really need it.
To be a mother is to empathize deeply with other mothers’ struggles. Before having children, I felt sympathy for a mother with a sick child. Now, I can feel that grief within me, imagining the dark thought of it being my child instead, and it crushes me.
Motherhood brings a newfound respect for parents with children who have special needs. It’s living with an underlying fear of childhood illness, rare conditions, and acute allergies, all of which are always present in the back of your mind.
Rediscovering Joy
To be a mother is to look into your child’s eyes and see reflections of yourself. It’s reliving your own childhood through theirs, rediscovering the joy of fairy tales, superheroes, and the taste of Hello Kitty gum.
It’s about sharing in the highs and lows of your child’s accomplishments and setbacks—celebrating every goal scored and every milestone achieved.
The Pain of Discipline
Being a mother also means finally comprehending what your own parents tried to convey: the pain of discipline truly does hurt you more than it hurts them. You can feel anger yet respond with unconditional love when they ask for forgiveness. No matter how big they grow, they will always be your baby.
The Weight of the World
To be a mother is to yearn to change the world, feeling helpless when confronted with images of children suffering in dire conditions, yet becoming overwhelmed by the daily grind.
It’s about craving moments of solitude only to find yourself missing your children when they’re not around. You might have a “girls’ night out” but end up discussing your kids and sharing stories about potty training while dressed in heels, or showing off pictures of your children to strangers, despite your past disdain for such behavior.
Existential Questions
Being a mother leads to questioning your beliefs about the afterlife, as the thought of an eternity without your child is unbearable.
It’s about wrestling with frustration over minor issues, occasionally raising your voice and saying hurtful things, only to feel remorse later. You learn that you can survive on just a few hours of sleep, a lunch of Pirate’s Booty, and a quick three-minute shower. Motherhood is a constant struggle to find the right way to do things, even when there is no definitive right way.
The Profound Love
Ultimately, to be a mother is to experience a profound love—one that is overwhelming and indescribable, a bond that nothing can prepare you for and nothing can rival.
However, I couldn’t fully articulate what it’s like to be a mother to her, as each experience is unique to every woman. If she were to ask again, I would still simply say, “It’s wonderful,” and I would hope that one day she has the opportunity to discover the full meaning of motherhood for herself.
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Summary
Motherhood is a complex and deeply rewarding experience characterized by a blend of joy, challenge, and profound love. It encompasses the struggles of balancing care for your child with personal aspirations, the weight of decisions, and the emotional depths of empathy and connection. Each mother’s journey is unique, shaped by personal experiences and emotions.