As a new mother, each day consists of one thousand, four hundred and forty minutes, and I find myself awake for the majority of them. “Up again, little one?” I ponder at 5:30 a.m., recalling that it feels like just a couple of hours since I last fed you. Mornings have transformed from a battle between sleeping in and exercising, to responding to a hungry baby whose cries have no snooze button. The fatigue is palpable; minutes slip away in a fog of sleep deprivation, momentarily relieved by caffeine.
In these one thousand, four hundred and forty minutes, another day has passed, yet I often feel like I haven’t accomplished anything significant. The house is already in disarray—didn’t I just tidy it yesterday? How can such a tiny being, who can’t even walk, generate so much clutter? More laundry? My life has become a repetitive cycle: the baby sleeps, the baby eats, I try to rest, I might manage to eat, and I attempt to clean while the baby sleeps, only to repeat the process. Household chores once fit neatly into my pre-work schedule, but now they loom over me like an insurmountable mountain.
With one thousand, four hundred and forty minutes in each day, I often find myself wondering when I last had a shower. Was it yesterday? Do I even remember what it was like to start the day with a fresh blowout, a stylish outfit, and makeup? Today, I’m grateful if I remember to change out of my pajamas and brush my teeth. Do I own anything that isn’t yoga attire? I can’t recall the last time I wore pants with a zipper, but who’s keeping track?
In a day filled with one thousand, four hundred and forty minutes, if I measure my worth by productivity, I would feel utterly inadequate. When my partner returns from work and inquires about my day, it’s challenging to articulate how the hours slipped by. Between feeding the baby, comforting him during tears, and trying to prevent my home from resembling a scene from a hoarding show, I’ve been busy, yet the results seem negligible. I haven’t completed a major work project, nor am I making progress on personal goals, and if I evaluate my productivity based on how tidy the house is, it appears I’ve accomplished nothing, only to face the same routine tomorrow.
Despite this, I remind myself that these fleeting moments will be the ones I cherish in years to come. Right now, I am typing while my one-month-old son sleeps peacefully on my chest. How did a month pass so quickly? If only my last month of pregnancy could have gone by as fast! Amid the sleepless nights and endless diaper changes, these early weeks of motherhood zoom by, all while I try to navigate this new world.
The fast pace of repetitive days filled with emotions can be overwhelming. I’ve never felt such happiness and love, yet at times I feel confined by my surroundings, slightly resentful that my partner can leave for work. I am conflicted, grappling with mixed emotions as my maternity leave races by. Soon, I will have to leave my precious child to return to work, and I question my sanity for feeling so many things simultaneously.
I am learning to be present and to savor these transitory moments because they will not last forever. Sooner than I realize, my baby will no longer be crying at 2 a.m., nor will he need me to hold him to sleep. The moments when I can cradle him will become fewer and farther between. While parts of caring for an infant can be exhausting, there are also aspects I know I will miss.
In the span of one thousand, four hundred and forty minutes a day, I cannot gauge their value by how long it’s been since I last left the house, the size of my laundry pile, or what I’ve achieved. Instead, I measure these minutes in snuggles and smiles, knowing they are fleeting. Despite the fatigue, the clutter, and the cries, I find gratitude in this journey of motherhood.
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Summary
Being a new mom consists of countless minutes filled with repetitive tasks and emotional highs and lows. While it may seem overwhelming at times, these moments of connection and tenderness are what truly matter in the whirlwind of motherhood. The journey is both challenging and rewarding, and every minute counts.