Recently, I experienced “the look” again. It’s been a while, and it sent shivers down my spine, reminiscent of when my children were young, and those looks were a common occurrence. If you’re a parent, you understand exactly what I mean. It’s that quick, sidelong glance your kids cast your way when they’re doing something they’re proud of—those priceless moments when they steal a peek at you from the stage or the field to ensure you’re watching. This is the look that has led to countless soccer goals scored while the goalie was distracted, or little league players getting “doubled off” because they wandered from the base, too busy checking to see if their parents noticed them get on base in the first place. Whether it’s during a school play, a piano recital, or a perfectly executed pirouette, when your child gives you that look, you must be looking back. Otherwise, they panic, fearing you might have missed the very reason they sought your gaze. Kids understand there are no instant replays.
This past spring, we attended a dear friend’s grandson’s kindergarten “graduation” ceremony, and looks were abundant. Like every other little graduate in their cap and gown, our friend’s grandson kept giving his parents that look while waiting for his diploma, again after receiving it from his teacher (who he forgot to shake hands with because he was too busy looking at his parents), and once more when he returned to his seat. While we only knew him, we could identify each graduate’s proud parents just by following their focused looks.
In our sports-enthusiast home, we anticipated plenty of these looks during every game. We always chose the same spot in the bleachers to reduce the distraction of searching for us. As our kids grew older, they attempted to suppress their looks, striving to appear cool and indifferent to our cheers, but we still caught them stealing glances—quick peeks from the corners of their eyes while dribbling down the basketball court or striding across the tennis court after serving an ace. I had a signature response they learned to expect: I would tap my chest with my right fist, a gesture that represented…well, I’m not entirely sure. Maybe it was a symbol of heartfelt pride in their achievements, or perhaps gratitude for our healthy, happy kids and the blessing of witnessing their milestones. Sometimes it was a sign of relief that we could provide a silver lining on the ride home after a tough loss. Not every two-point basket or single hit warranted a chest tap; game-winning shots and walk-off home runs certainly did. I sometimes added a flourish by pointing at my young star as if to say, “this tap is just for you.”
Now that our kids are grown and living independently, those looks are rare. A couple of years ago, when our daughter was leaving for graduate school, she turned and waved before heading through airport security, giving us the look. I felt a lump in my throat and tapped my chest. When our oldest son took the oath for the New York State Bar, he also gave us the look, prompting another emotional chest tap. At his wedding, he chose to save his look for his new wife instead, and we forgave him.
Earlier this summer, our youngest son walked across the stage with hundreds of classmates to receive his college diploma. Just before stepping up, he turned to us and gave us that look—a prolonged glance that seemed to encapsulate all the smaller achievements we may have missed leading up to this moment. As he met our eyes, he raised his hands in celebration, mouthing “thank you.” I gently tapped my chest and pointed at him.
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In summary, those fleeting looks from our children serve as powerful reminders of their desire for our approval and support, and as parents, it’s crucial that we acknowledge and reciprocate those moments, creating lasting connections that will be cherished for years to come.
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