Growing up, my mother had a hands-off approach to parenting. She would encourage me to play outside while she tended to her chores—baking, cleaning, and socializing with friends. This was a time when children were expected to entertain themselves outdoors, allowing parents to accomplish daily tasks.
Today, I observe my daughter as she builds an elaborate castle with her blocks. The sunlight catches her striking blue eyes, causing her to squint and adjust her position. She narrates a story about a sleeping baby princess and dinosaur sisters guarding the realm. In these moments, I sometimes grapple with feelings of guilt. Should I be more involved? Should I be teaching her letters or playing alongside her to demonstrate my love?
Yet, I often find myself urging both her and her brother to go outside, despite the wild animals that roam in our forested surroundings. I recall a particular incident when my son, at just three years old, encountered a bear just feet away while lounging in his hammock. He fled to safety, exhilarated and terrified, and still recounts that adventure vividly. Our environment is rich with wildlife—coyotes, mountain lions, and owls—and while there are risks, our rule is simple: no playing outside alone at twilight.
In contemporary society, there is an overwhelming emphasis on closely monitoring our children. We are advised to guard against every potential danger, effectively wrapping our kids in protective bubbles. Yes, the world can be perilous, but in the process of hovering, we may inadvertently rob our children of vital experiences—memories that shape their identities. My husband once fell on his hatchet while wandering through the forest at six years old. In a misguided attempt to treat his wound, he packed it with mud from the Mississippi River, just as he had seen Native Americans do. This decision left him with a lasting scar and a life story to share.
Scars symbolize the journeys we have undertaken. If we shield our children too thoroughly, they may emerge unmarked yet directionless, devoid of the tales that guide them through life. I choose to encourage my children’s independence because I want them to grow up with a sense of freedom and a deeper connection to their physical selves as they explore their surroundings. I envision them climbing over rock formations, falling from trees, and navigating the complexities of decision-making—experiences that are theirs alone.
I lived an entire life filled with adventures and experiences that my mother was blissfully unaware of, and I aspire for my children to have the same opportunity. A life rich with experiences, and yes, even some scars.
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Summary
In this article, I explore the importance of allowing children the freedom to explore and learn independently, drawing on personal anecdotes to illustrate the value of unstructured play and the lessons learned from life experiences. It’s essential to balance protection with the need for children to create their own stories and memories.