When celebrities like Lionel Richie and Jimmy Fallon pop up in your social media feed with their rendition of “Hello, is it me you’re looking for?” it feels like a cosmic nudge. It’s as if you suddenly remember something you weren’t even aware you were missing. And there it was, lurking among my mail: the debut issue of RH Teen!
To clarify, I wasn’t actively seeking out Restoration Hardware’s new teen catalog. As someone who grew up in the ’80s, my concept of teen decor was shaped by movies from John Hughes, the aesthetics of my friends’ rooms, and the vibrant lava lamp displays at Spencer’s.
My sole bedroom transformation consisted of adding a new rug, installing mirrored sliding closet doors, and covering my walls with posters of The Outsiders (Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold).
In contrast, my children have a wealth of teen decor choices at their disposal. Our family tends to lean towards Ikea and trendy thrift shop finds for their rooms, yet someone at Restoration Hardware believes there could be a place for RH Teen in our home. I took a moment to explore. Here are five thoughts I gathered on RH Teen’s offerings:
1. Restoration Hardware Lets the Pieces Speak for Themselves.
The “Perfect Somewhere” bedroom (as depicted above) requires no introduction, merely stating it’s “the one place where you write the rules.” But is that “you” referring to teens? What about “the one place where you pay the bills”? Because that beautiful setup—with its furniture, mirrors, and obligatory crystal chandelier—totals $12,000. A suggestion for RH Teen: Consider including a mandatory exit plan in that ideal desk drawer, as teens whose parents invest heavily in their bedrooms may become reluctant to leave home.
2. Why Not Add the $3,419 Rylin Tufted White Velvet Chaise and Loveseat Lounge Set?
One issue here: Do RH Teens never snack in their lounge areas? The teens I know love to both relax and eat. However, the white velvet chaise seems suitable if your teen’s diet consists solely of milk, plain yogurt, and Whole Foods yogurt-covered treats. (You’re welcome, RH Teen. You might want to mention this.)
3. The “All Good Things Are Wild And Free” Quotation Art Is Confusing.
If this art piece is indeed a good thing, shouldn’t it be free? Or is it merely mediocre and thus justifying its price tag? How does this sentiment relate to the “Perfect Somewhere” bedroom, which must be good since it’s perfect and costs $12,000—definitely wild but certainly not free. Is it free for wild teens but not for their weary parents? I’m starting to understand.
4. What About the “Perfect is Boring” Sign?
Did you just imply that your “Perfect Somewhere” bedroom is boring? Are you trying to mess with us?
5. For Those Seeking a Simpler Message, the “I Want It All Pillow” Is Perfect.
What better way to prepare our teens for a fulfilling life than with a pillow that encourages them to desire everything? (Just please don’t let them covet the Orbit Faux Fur Chair, which retails for $1,799.)
Now, let’s address a key point: Restoration Hardware, you’ve overlooked some essentials. No worries, we understand. Teens are a new demographic for you. For years, your focus was on affluent adults, then their infants and toddlers. Now, teens are your final frontier. As a parent of both a teen and a tween, I have some suggestions for RH Teen:
First, if we adults received that impressive 17-pound collection of 13 Restoration Hardware sourcebooks last summer, shouldn’t teens be entitled to at least two catalogs? Introducing the latest sourcebook in the RH Teen lineup: Trough and Hook.
Parents with teens can relate to this unfortunate reality: Many teens ignore their neatly laundered clothes. Those lovely dressers featured in RH Teen? They’ll remain empty while garments are scattered throughout the room (sometimes in a creative display, though more often resembling a true disaster zone). Enter the trough—a must-have for any teen laundry essentials.
Trough enthusiasts know these long, shallow containers were originally intended for feeding livestock. Yet they can serve a more delightful purpose. Their size, depth, and rustic charm suggest practicality with a hint of whimsy, which is precisely what teens need when searching for their “every day is a spa day” pin dot spa wrap ($49). The beauty of these troughs (starting at $599) is that they offer an open space without the hassle of opening a drawer. Crafted with care, they are ideal for the teen who can’t be bothered.
And for the teen who also finds hangers to be too much effort? Enter the hooks. Picture a rustic hook, hand-crafted from reclaimed metal (Restoration Hardware seems committed to using only sourced metal, despite potential savings). Imagine no longer needing to remove hangers, adjust hangers, or, worst of all, hang clothes on hangers. Instead, teens can casually toss their clothing in the general vicinity of the hook, freeing up more time for lounging. RH Teen hooks will be available for just $120 each.
Here’s the tough truth: There’s a certain type of parent you’re likely never going to reach. They’re the ones who can create this type of decor with a mere $4 worth of items scavenged from their basements.
Additionally, there’s that college savings to consider. To those unconventional parents, we say, stay golden. And speaking of gold, when your teen insists they require an RH Teen room, show them this “It Is What It Is” metallic gold foil art ($179) and together, take that catalog over to the recycling bin, smiling as you say “Carpe Diem” ($399, salvaged shadow box quote art).
And really, take a look at that last item. It’s simply a crumpled piece of paper priced at $399. They must be joking! On a positive note, it’s nice to see RH is committed to recycling too.
Summary
This article examines the bewildering offerings of the RH Teen catalog, highlighting the disconnect between extravagant pricing and the realities of teenage life. It humorously critiques the impracticality of many items while suggesting that Restoration Hardware could better cater to the teen demographic by considering their actual needs and behaviors.