As I prepare to leave for a four-day conference, I find myself reflecting on my family dynamics. I will miss my daughters and my partner, who is currently navigating a particularly clingy phase with our youngest. Recently, I departed for an early meeting before she woke up, resulting in an hour-long tantrum. My daughters are accustomed to having both parents around, so it will be a challenge for my partner to manage alone, especially given the demands of parenting over several days.
However, I have no concerns about his ability to handle the situation. I remember vividly when my eldest was just a few months old, and my partner took her on a solo trip to visit his parents. It was the first time they ventured out without me, and he managed beautifully. My mother-in-law was impressed and praised me for allowing him this opportunity to bond with our daughter. I made it clear that his parenting skills were innate and not a result of my influence. After all, why is it assumed that I am the one who shaped him into a great father?
This misconception has persisted over the years, especially when I receive inquiries about how my partner will cope when I am away. Even though our household has a division of labor—where I handle cooking and he takes care of the trash—our approach to parenting is intentionally shared. We made a conscious decision to embrace equal parenting, understanding that while I would carry and breastfeed our children in the early days, both of us should be fully involved in their upbringing.
Yet, it is disheartening that even now, someone will inevitably refer to my partner as “babysitting” when he is alone with the kids. When I am on my own, friends might ask if he is taking care of them. My close friends know better, and I always clarify, “No, he is parenting.” While it is true that women may still handle a larger share of household and childcare responsibilities, it is essential to acknowledge the active role fathers play. Diminishing their involvement by labeling it as “daddy day care” only perpetuates a cycle of distrust in their capabilities.
My partner is not only capable but also an engaging father. He brings joy and laughter to our daughters’ lives, teaches them valuable lessons, takes risks, and, like any parent, makes mistakes. I find myself doing the same. Recently, I had several evening commitments that overlapped with our daughters’ bedtime, and when my youngest asked if Daddy would “babysit” them, I felt compelled to set the record straight.
Gathering both girls, I explained, “A mommy is a parent, and a daddy is a parent. A babysitter is someone who cares for you when your parents can’t.” I wanted them to understand the importance of recognizing that both parents share the responsibility of raising them. They need to internalize that their father is equally involved, fostering a sense of trust and security.
So, as I prepare for my early morning flight, I will miss them dearly but won’t worry about their well-being. I trust my partner completely and look forward to reuniting with them soon.
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In summary, the role of a father should not be diminished by calling it “babysitting.” Both parents are equally responsible for their children’s upbringing, and it’s vital to foster a culture of trust and respect in parenting roles.