As a parent, I find myself grappling with the prospect of my son eventually having a partner. Currently, he is just 10 years old; technically, he doesn’t have a significant other. However, I like to be prepared for the future. I often share my feelings with other mothers of boys. When I express my preemptive discontent over the idea of his future partner, I am met with a mix of reactions. Some offer sympathetic nods, recalling the old adage, “A son is a son ’til he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life.” While I appreciate these sentiments, I also have a daughter, and I know she will always be in my life, which adds a unique perspective.
Contrarily, some mothers advocate for the idea of letting go. Phrases like, “You have to allow them their independence” or “I adore my daughter-in-law!” are not uncommon. In those moments, I find myself regarding them as if they were asking me to investigate a strange noise in the basement at midnight.
The turning point came when my son arrived home one day, an expression of seriousness etched on his face and a note clutched in his hand. “I need to tell you something,” he said. He mentioned that he liked a girl and wanted to call her before she moved away in two weeks. Surprisingly, I felt a surge of excitement rather than panic or anger. I calmly suggested we make the call.
Watching him dial the number, his brow furrowed in concentration, filled me with pride. He used polite language, and when her mother permitted him to speak with her, he celebrated his small victory with a fist pump. I listened from a distance, chuckling quietly when he awkwardly asked, “So—(long pause)—how’s your family?”
Just two days later, I picked her up from school, and we went for ice cream. I discreetly positioned myself in a corner of the shop, pretending not to know them as they laughed and chatted over their treats. It was a moment of clarity; instead of feeling like I was losing my son, I realized his happiness is my happiness. His achievements, whether it’s a home run during a game or a good grade on a test, are shared victories.
Parenting has its challenges, yet it is profoundly rewarding. I want my son to experience love and companionship just as I have with his father. I cherish our moments together, from twirling in the bathroom to heartfelt bedtime conversations. My love for him is deep and bittersweet, as I witness the swift passage of time and the inevitable changes it brings. I have come to understand that the woman who ultimately wins my son’s heart will be fortunate, not a thief taking him away from me.
If this narrative reaches the future partner of my son, who may wonder how to win over her future mother-in-law, I offer this simple advice: let’s celebrate Christmas together! Welcome to the family!
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Summary:
Parenthood often evokes complex feelings, particularly regarding the future relationships of our children. Embracing change and understanding that our children’s happiness is ultimately our own can lead to a more positive outlook. As they grow, finding joy in their experiences and supporting their journeys becomes essential.