Recently, I caught up with an old acquaintance who shared the heartbreaking news that she had initiated divorce proceedings. Lisa had been married for nearly two decades, and the decision to part ways felt monumental.
When I inquired about the reasons behind her choice, she revealed that, despite their long history, she and her husband had drifted apart, especially now that their children were growing more independent. They had become like strangers, pursuing distinct paths and harboring differing aspirations for the future. For Lisa, this meant embarking on a new journey to rediscover her sense of self—something she felt had faded during the years of raising children.
In Lisa’s case, the intimacy and connection that once defined their relationship had diminished amid the chaos of daily life. As they focused on their careers and the demands of parenthood—rushing to school meetings, sports events, and medical appointments—there was little opportunity for reconnection. Their children had served as the bond that kept them together, but as those children became self-sufficient, the foundation of their marriage crumbled under the weight of unaddressed issues.
Driving home that evening, I felt a profound sadness for Lisa and reflected on numerous marriages I had witnessed falter over the years—couples I once believed would endure forever. How can a relationship deteriorate so drastically after years of commitment? What leads couples, who have invested decades together, to reach a breaking point?
After much contemplation, I considered what factors contribute to the resilience of a marriage and why my own relationship has weathered various storms. There have been challenging moments when it felt like we were on the verge of sinking, yet counseling provided the guidance we needed to navigate through disappointment and anger. During tumultuous periods, we always managed to find our way back to the core of our love.
What is the Secret to Our Enduring Marriage?
It’s hope. Hope has been the glue binding us through our toughest challenges. Five years into our union, we faced the devastating loss of our newborn son. While this tragedy threatened to tear many couples apart, it instead drew us closer as we navigated our grief together, unlike other couples in our support group who found themselves divorced.
Similarly, when my husband was laid off, we faced the daunting task of supporting our four young children with no clear direction for our financial future. It was tempting to direct my frustration at my husband, but I recognized that he needed my encouragement. Together, we sought help and remained hopeful, and eventually, better opportunities arose.
Navigating the turbulent teenage years presented yet another challenge. Our differing parenting styles often led to conflict, but rather than allowing these disagreements to drive us apart, we worked to find common ground and compromise.
One of the most significant hurdles in our marriage has been my battle with clinical depression. My husband has learned to recognize the signs when I am struggling and provides the space I need to heal while also supporting me to rediscover my joy. He holds on tightly during the unpredictable journey of my emotional health so that we always navigate together, regardless of the ups and downs we face.
Our ability to confront these challenges as a united front fosters strength in our partnership. We have put in the effort to cultivate our relationship, never considering giving up. Our commitment to one another is not solely for the sake of our children, but also in pursuit of shared goals as a couple. We understand that we are two halves of a whole, working towards a common purpose.
Key Elements of a Successful Marriage
Key elements of our successful marriage include appreciation, effective communication, kindness, trust, and forgiveness, all seasoned with humor. Small gestures—a note on the fridge, flowers from our garden, or a knowing glance—carry significant weight. The spontaneous kisses, late-night ice cream, playful dances, and cozy movie nights are reminders of our friendship and mutual desire for happiness. It’s about embracing each other’s quirks and expressing love daily without expecting anything in return.
While I cannot fully grasp what Lisa is experiencing, her decision to end her marriage is hers alone. What I can do is offer my unwavering support, just as I strive to show my husband how much his love enriches my life.
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In summary, the key to a flourishing marriage lies in hope, teamwork, and a commitment to overcoming obstacles together.