As your caregiver for several years, we’ve developed a close bond. Given how many times this week I’ve seen you darting to the laundry room in just your undergarments, perhaps a bit too close. Regardless, despite my countless experiences swaddling your newborn, celebrating your career advancements, or sharing tales about the tattooed bartender who recently became a father, there are certain things I can’t express, yet wish you knew.
1. Hesitation Around Food
I hesitate to eat your food, especially items that haven’t been opened. Even though you’ve encouraged me to help myself countless times, I can’t shake the feeling that you’ll notice the pretzel bag was fuller before I indulged, causing me to lose my job. I am aware that earlier today I had to help you locate your car keys, pointed out your mismatched shoes, and even chased your vehicle down the driveway as you drove off with your coffee mug on the roof. Still, it’s the ounces in your nearly expired pretzel bag that I’m convinced you monitor. Oddly, this anxiety doesn’t apply when I’m sneaking your child’s gummy vitamins.
2. No Romantic Interest
I have no romantic interest in your spouse. Truly. I’m sure you adore him for good reasons—he seems decent, reasonably attractive, and an excellent father. However, witnessing him put a dirty plate in the sink, despite the dishwasher being right there, was a mood killer. Any flicker of attraction disappeared after seeing him dramatically suffer from a cold. While he contributes positively to your family, if he takes out the trash one more time without replacing the bag, I might just lose it.
3. Admiration for You
I admire you greatly. You are like the older sister I wish I had. You have an impressive job, stylish clothes from catalogs, and a home that looks straight out of a Crate and Barrel advertisement. From my vantage point as a twenty-something on a futon, you might as well be Angelina Jolie. I aspire to emulate you, even if it means spending a significant part of my paycheck on the same beauty products you use.
4. The Reality of Patience
I don’t possess any magical abilities. My patience surpasses yours partly because I get to leave. Despite facing tantrums, diaper mishaps, or projectile bodily fluids, I can smile through it all knowing I can escape at 5:30 p.m. to luxuriate in a hot, toy-free bubble bath with tea and binge-watch something other than cartoons without interruption. If you could enjoy such a reprieve a few times a week, you’d find the strength to weather toddler tantrums without resorting to the iPad.
5. The Need for Gratitude
Your expressions of gratitude are less frequent than I would like. Yes, I am paid for my work, but this role is unlike any other. It has presented some of the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. The most meaningful part of this job comes not from my paycheck, but from the sense of purpose I feel. Am I making a difference? Absolutely. Are there any promotions or awards to validate that? Not really. The greatest acknowledgment we can receive is your genuine appreciation. When it comes from someone I admire, it holds more value than you might realize.
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To summarize, being a caregiver is a unique role filled with challenges and rewards. While I appreciate the close bond we share, understanding my perspective can strengthen our relationship. Gratitude and acknowledgment go a long way in this line of work.