Ah, the delightful experience of growing up in the South. We mastered the arts of spirited banter during backyard games and even knew how to procure our own fishing bait. Yet, when Sunday rolled around, we cleaned up our language and attire to attend church. If you’ve ever had a pet named after a legendary football coach or savored venison sausage, you likely hail from below the Mason-Dixon line. As a proud Southerner, you’re keen on instilling these ten principles in your children—the Ten Principles of Southern Parenting.
1. Embrace the Monogram
Is that bag suitable for monogramming? A Southern parent will personalize anything that stands still, so be mindful when selecting your child’s name. And remember, the last name should always be in the center! Little Charles Edward Thompson cannot be seen with a bag emblazoned with “CET.” Goodness gracious, no.
2. Let Them Choose Their Own Switch
There’s nothing quite like instilling discipline by having your child select their own form of punishment. Whether it’s picking a wooden spoon from the kitchen drawer or deciding which privilege to forfeit, making your child choose their own switch is quintessentially Southern.
3. Prepare Casseroles for Every Occasion
If you lack a signature poppy seed chicken casserole or a cherished Jell-O mold, it’s time to reach out to your mother. Taking a pre-made lasagna to welcome new neighbors is akin to giving them the cold shoulder. Authentic Southern hospitality cannot be found in the freezer aisle at a supermarket, y’all.
4. Practice Frugality
Don’t discard that bacon grease! There’s always a second (or third) use for everything. So, you might just find yourself wearing your cousin’s hand-me-downs, regardless of trends. Have you ever transported leftovers in a margarine container? No? Bless your heart, you wasteful soul.
5. Dress Your Child in Patent Leather Shoes
You know the shiny black ones for Sunday service or those classic navy sandals for toddlers? Essential. Don’t forget johnnies, jumpers, and bubbles (you do recognize the difference, right?). Seersucker suits with bowties for Easter are non-negotiable; otherwise, you might as well join Sherman on his march. Yes, I said it.
6. Use Respectful Language
The first time a friend’s mother requested I drop the “Miss” before her name, I felt like I had swallowed a hairball. I tried to get it right countless times before surrendering. Apologies, ma’am, but my mama insists on titles. Regardless of how it may seem dated or “less modern,” us Southerners hold on to this tradition tightly, and you bet our children will too.
7. Share Blessings
Bless the meal, bless his soul, and certainly bless her heart. It’s vital for Southern children to hear their mothers express gratitude. After all, if you’re from the South, you are blessed.
8. Instill Loyalty
Football loyalty, to be precise. If your child hasn’t learned a team chant or at least the mascot’s name by age two, you’ve missed the mark. Take it a step further and teach them to believe that cheers from rival teams are filled with “bad words,” and you’ve nailed your parenting role. Go Tigers!
9. Respect Elders
A well-bred Southern child knows to respect all adults, including a stranger at the park reprimanding them for misbehaving. It doesn’t matter if there’s no familial connection—children should heed adult instructions, lest they face the wrath of their parents. After all, is there anything more frightening than the phrase, “Don’t make me tell your daddy about this”?
10. Become Your Mother
If you’ve ever said, “I brought you into this world…” or “You better stop that crying before I…” then you’re well on your way. If you’ve ever put leftover food into a Tupperware container, declaring, “There are starving kids in Africa,” then congratulations, you’ve made it!
Even if the thought of becoming your mother sends chills down your spine, it could be worse. Yes, she may speak like Dolly Parton, dress like a Lilly Pulitzer model, and have a scent reminiscent of a department store perfume counter, but she did get a lot right. After all, she raised you!
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In summary, Southern parenting encompasses a unique blend of traditions and values that shape the next generation. From monogramming and frugality to respect and loyalty, these principles help define a Southern upbringing, ensuring that children grow up with a strong sense of identity and community.