Dear Cancer,
I detest you. I resent everything you have inflicted upon me, stripping away my hope and leaving me breathless with fear. You invaded my life without warning, attacking when I was blissfully unaware. Your assault didn’t just affect me; it also terrified my family, rendering them helpless in your wake.
I wish for your demise. I want you to fade away, to be eradicated from existence—never to return. No one will mourn your absence. Not a single soul. You are universally reviled; we all desire your end. This sentiment extends beyond my loved ones, as countless individuals throughout history share this deep-seated animosity towards you.
You instill fear in us. There was a time I feared speaking your name, believing it would summon you. Yet, you came anyway. You took me hostage, threatening my very existence. What frightens me most is that you could resurface at any moment, stealthy and swift, finishing what you began. My battle against you feels largely out of my control; despite my best efforts to arm myself, it may never be enough to vanquish you.
Many have dedicated their lives to finding ways to obliterate you, to ensure you never return to this planet. So many have lost their lives battling you, enduring far longer and harder than I. Yet, there are also those who have triumphed, thanks to the relentless efforts of those seeking your eradication.
You forced me to confront the unimaginable—a world devoid of me. A world where my daughters would go to bed without their mother to comfort them, where my husband would lie alone, missing my presence. You even made me envision someone else stepping into my shoes, nurturing my girls, sharing their milestones, and dancing with my husband on their wedding days.
If you were to win, life would carry on without me. My children would eventually smile again, and I hope my husband would find love anew. But more than anything, I fervently pray for your departure.
Each day, I wish for you to leave me be. Yet, the moment I start to feel a semblance of comfort, you invade my thoughts again. Your relentless assault continues, with no remorse for the pain you’ve inflicted. Even if you are gone (as I hope), your scars remain, forever altering who I am.
My hatred for you has driven me to drastic measures, hoping that the pain I endured would be enough to keep you at bay. I subjected myself to treatments that drained my strength; days went by when I could hardly rise to use the bathroom. I lay in bed, contemplating whether I could continue fighting or should simply surrender. You robbed me of six precious months of my life, and still, you claim bits of it every day.
It has been two years since my diagnosis, over 700 days since I endured the agony of procedures that removed parts of me. I underwent surgeries that altered my body, received chemotherapy that coursed through my veins, and faced the consequences of your attack. My hair fell out, my energy waned, yet I still found moments to smile, laugh, and embrace life, even amidst the suffering. It was only after completing my final treatment that I allowed myself to confront the fear I had kept at bay.
As I navigate life now, it may seem as though I have moved on, that everything is back to normal. My daughters still have their mother, my parents their daughter, and my husband his wife. However, I cherish moments that I once took for granted.
When my eldest daughter got her ears pierced before her fifth birthday, I wept, unsure if I would see that milestone. I rejoiced at her kindergarten graduation, grateful to be there to witness it. I am more intentional with my time, experiencing greater compassion and kindness than before. I embrace my loved ones with more fervor and express my love more frequently.
So, while I harbor a deep hatred for you, Cancer, I also find myself grateful for the lessons you forced me to learn. Your unwelcome presence has illuminated the fragility of life, teaching me to focus on the positive and to prioritize kindness and patience, regardless of circumstances.
Life is fleeting, and none of us know when our time will come. One day, we will all become mere memories. I hope that the memories I leave behind are filled with love and that you are absent from them.