“Did anyone compliment your outfit today, sweetie?” I asked one sunny afternoon as she hopped into the backseat of my car.
“Yeah!” she exclaimed, her bright eyes sparkling in the mirror. “Lots of people thought it was cool!”
I returned her smile, admiring her once-ordinary oversized lavender sweater that had belonged to me. It was destined for donation until she rescued it from the bag I kept in the garage. Inspired by a character she saw on a show, she had used a red Sharpie to embellish it with exaggerated lips, transforming it into a trendy statement piece. The sweater was cinched with a wide fuchsia belt, paired with gray jeggings tucked into last year’s motorcycle boots from a popular retail store—boots I wished came in my size. A pink and blue plaid fedora, stylishly tilted across her forehead, completed the ensemble.
Lila has a penchant for hats, colorful scarves, and a hint of sparkle—like her prescription glasses adorned with diamond-studded purple frames. These accessories help her shine positively at school, a place where she previously attracted attention for less favorable reasons.
Diagnosed with a mood disorder and ADHD just shy of her sixth birthday, Lila’s differences became less pronounced with treatment. Today, she no longer leaps from her seat every few minutes or sharpens her pencil excessively. She raises her hand (most of the time) instead of blurting out random, sometimes irrelevant comments, and she manages to keep her composure when a classmate accidentally bumps into her chair. She has improved significantly in following directions.
However, remnants of her earlier reputation linger. Some students still see her as the troublemaker, the girl who never pays attention, the odd one out. Despite her intelligence, staying on top of her assignments remains a challenge, even with additional support from school and a tutor. Organizational issues, along with difficulties in focusing and processing information, hinder her progress. She realizes that it often takes her twice as long as her classmates to complete tasks, and that she won’t be able to finish timed quizzes quickly enough to make it into the Math Champions Club.
Initially, Lila’s exclusion from such academic groups weighed heavily on me—perhaps even more than it did on her. Like any parent, I desire my child to shine. I excelled academically throughout my schooling, as did my partner. Accepting that our daughter wouldn’t inherently follow in our footsteps was a difficult adjustment.
Ultimately, I learned to prioritize nurturing her many strengths over worrying about grades or college acceptance. I focus on her remarkable creativity, which seems to blossom when she engages in activities like singing in the school chorus, crafting vivid tales about her imaginary escapades, or designing her signature colorful fairies. More recently, she has begun to express herself through fashion.
Without a doubt, the compliments she receives for her unique style have enhanced her self-esteem. While she may not look forward to school, stepping into her classroom with a striking outfit each day makes the experience a bit more enjoyable.
Of course, living with a budding fashionista has its challenges. Lila’s insistence on leaving the house in nothing short of the perfect outfit often transforms her room into a chaotic mess, resembling a disaster zone filled with rejected garments. The piles of clothes can be overwhelming, and her fashion choices have led to tardiness more than once. Nevertheless, when she feels confident in her attire, she radiates a charisma that makes these minor inconveniences seem trivial.
As Lila approaches middle school, she is crafting a new identity—one that I hope will support her through the unpredictable landscape of adolescence. She is becoming recognized as the girl with the cool clothes. The creative spirit. The stylish individual. And these labels are ones she wears with pride, much like her favorite boots and dazzling purple glasses.
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In summary, embracing and nurturing a child’s individuality and creativity can significantly impact their self-esteem and social interactions. As parents, it is essential to focus on supporting our children in their unique journeys, allowing them to develop their identities in a way that fosters confidence and happiness.