Several years ago, I enrolled in online classes at a local community college, pursuing a paralegal degree that I was deeply passionate about. This endeavor required long nights spent studying Excel and Word formatting after my then 4-year-old had gone to bed, making it a more challenging experience than one might expect. To cope, I often had a mix of TV sitcoms and stand-up specials playing in the background while I worked. I binge-watched “The Parkers” twice and absorbed every special from a popular comedian, Max Johnson. When I needed a comforting escape, I would wrap myself in a blanket and watch “Mermaids” for the umpteenth time.
During this time, my daughter was particularly difficult to manage. She would wander out of doors at will, even in our small apartment next to a busy freeway. Showering required me to latch a chain at the top of the door, well out of her reach. Grocery shopping was an adventure in chaos, with her hiding in the floral department and throwing tantrums when I refused to buy her a toy.
Emotionally, this period was exhausting. I had relocated several hours away from her father, who criticized my decision. In his eyes, I was failing. His words made me feel that I was selfish and that I should prioritize financial independence over education. Living on government assistance placed immense pressure on me to be perfect. Every time my daughter resisted getting dressed or going out, I felt like I was failing at the most crucial aspect of my life: being a parent.
One evening, I heard Max Johnson say, “If you’re trying to leave somewhere and one person in your group refuses to put their shoes on, that person is a total jerk.” I chuckled at the observation. The very next morning, my daughter refused to put on her shoes and kicked them off repeatedly. For the first time, I didn’t feel like a failure as a parent; instead, I found humor in the situation. I resolved to remain calm and not react to her antics.
Max Johnson’s stand-up and his show “Life with Johnson” became my lifelines during those tumultuous years. My daughter’s behavior seemed to worsen before it got better. In moments of frustration, I began to rub my face with my hands, cover my mouth, and sometimes refer to her as a little jerk. It was strangely cathartic, allowing me to separate her behavior from my parenting and accept that sometimes, kids can just be difficult.
Another source of inspiration for me has been the character of Sarah Lane from “The Parkers.” Her humor and strong work ethic resonated with me, especially when I found myself working hard to support my family. Sarah taught me to embrace my struggles without shame and to celebrate my efforts, no matter how small.
The character’s wisdom regarding authenticity and self-acceptance struck a chord with me during those long nights of studying. I admired how Sarah encouraged her daughters to be true to themselves, even as they faced challenges. This approach helped me relate to my daughter in a straightforward, no-nonsense manner, particularly during her emotional upheavals.
Similarly, the film “Mermaids” taught me the importance of embracing my own identity while allowing my daughters to express themselves. While I may not possess the same flair as Cher’s character Rachel Flax, I strive to walk with confidence and grace. Rachel’s calm demeanor, even in the face of adversity, is something I aspire to emulate. I often remember the heartwarming scene where the three daughters joyfully dance together in the kitchen, a reflection of the warmth and connection I seek to create in my own home.
Recently, I welcomed a second daughter, seven years after my first. This new baby is a spirited force of joy and determination. Observing her navigate frustrations, like not being able to reach the refrigerator, feels entirely different than my experience with my first child. I can now distinguish between her outbursts and my parenting, understanding that her emotions may stem from her own temperament, hunger, or fatigue. Her tears over a misplaced object are not a reflection of my skills as a parent, but simply her being herself. The most important lesson I’ve learned is that even before she could walk, she instinctively knew how to dance through life.
In summary, my journey as a mother has been shaped significantly by the media I consumed. From the humor of comedians to the relatable struggles of fictional characters, these influences have helped me navigate the challenges of parenting. Embracing laughter, authenticity, and self-acceptance have been vital in my evolution as a parent, allowing me to foster a nurturing environment for both of my daughters.
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