At 50 years old and after 27 years of marriage, I find myself re-entering the social scene, albeit not in the conventional dating sense. Instead, I’m on the hunt for a BFF: a best friend forever.
My long-term friends—those I’ve known since elementary and high school—are spread out across the Northeast, from Maryland to Rhode Island. These cherished women have supported me through everything, including my awkward teenage years, breakups, and even the occasional hangover. They have been with me on countless adventures: weekend parties, road trips, concerts, late-night ice cream runs, and 2 a.m. conversations. They hold the collective history of my life, the good, the bad, and yes, even the not-so-pretty moments (trust me, with my braces and ’80s hairstyles, there was plenty of ugly). If distance weren’t a factor, I would surely still be meeting them for drinks or catching the latest blockbuster together.
As a stay-at-home mom who has homeschooled for nearly two decades, my local friend group has shifted considerably over the years. Currently, it seems to be diminishing more than growing. (Cue the iconic theme song from Friends, with a slight twist: “So no one told you life was gonna be this way, your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your social life’s DOA.”) With playdates and mommy-and-me activities now mere memories, many of my mom friends have drifted away. My recent decision to transition my child to public school has further isolated me from the homeschooling community. And as I return to freelance writing, I no longer benefit from the social networks that come with traditional office settings. So, what’s a socially-starved woman to do?
Enter “The Friendship Game.” No host is required, but the same principles apply: meet new people, engage in conversation, and seek a connection.
Phase 1: Get Started
To begin my journey, I joined several local groups to wade into the waters of friendship-seeking. As an introvert, this is a daunting task. I need a life preserver—or at least a large flotation device—to help me navigate these social waters and avoid drowning in anxiety. But I’m determined to step outside my comfort zone.
Phase 2: Build Excitement
With two active teenagers, our color-coded family calendar is crucial for keeping track of rides, dinners, and last-minute expenses. Ironically, my calendar’s blue entries—indicating my social life—are sparse, with only my upcoming dentist visit on the agenda. To remedy this, I boldly add “Mom’s Night Out” in big, blue letters! I’m thrilled.
Phase 3: Prepare
The night of my “first date” arrived—Bunco night, an evening filled with dice and drinks that promised to be much more enjoyable than my usual routine of laundry and mobile games. As I prepared, I faced the classic first-date dilemma: what to wear? I wanted to present myself as approachable yet not overly eager.
My wardrobe had three main categories: church and PTA attire, outdated professional clothing from the ’90s, and comfortable casual wear. It seemed I owned nothing trendy. So, I settled on some “timeless” pieces (a striped shirt and nondescript pants) and set off.
Phase 4: Show Up
Upon arriving at Bunco, I scanned the room. Fortunately, no one appeared to be a serial killer, which was a promising start. (Of course, after a couple of glasses of wine, everyone seems friendly.)
As the evening unfolded, I interacted with a dozen women, each eager to escape the confines of their homes and share a laugh. We traded stories about career changes, personal struggles, and health challenges, all while maintaining a light-hearted atmosphere. We shared snacks, drinks, and laughter as we rolled the dice.
By the end of the night, a few contenders didn’t make the cut—like the woman who didn’t crack a smile and another, burdened by her troubles, who seemed to carry a cloud of negativity. However, I did walk away with two phone numbers, hinting at a possible second meeting.
In conclusion, seeking friendship in adulthood can feel daunting, but by taking the initiative to engage with local communities, we can find connections that enrich our lives. If you’re exploring similar paths, consider checking out resources like this blog post on home insemination or this site on fertility boosters for men, as they provide valuable information relevant to our journeys. Additionally, CCRM IVF’s blog is an excellent resource for those interested in pregnancy and home insemination.