Dear Stay-at-Home Mom,
If you are reading this, there is a good chance you are feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps you are pulling at your hair—towel-dried and frayed—while searching the internet for words of comfort or solidarity from someone who understands your experience. If this has been “one of those days,” you might even be tugging at hair that’s overdue for a wash. With weary eyes and stains on your shirt, you may find yourself awake at night, yearning for an authentic connection, seeking parenting wisdom, or craving conversations that extend beyond inquiries like, “How do you like your jogging stroller?” or “Is your child sleeping through the night?” You may be wishing for validation that you are not navigating this journey alone.
While I can’t provide any definitive answers, I can assure you that you are not isolated in your feelings. The role of a stay-at-home mom is undoubtedly demanding. It can feel isolating and, at times, painfully lonely. Although you are never truly alone—sharing every meal and moment with your little one—there are days when the loneliness creeps in. Even mundane errands, like a trip to the pharmacy, can leave you longing for a simple smile from another adult, a gesture that could open the door to a conversation.
You might be tired of hearing well-meaning comments about how blessed or lucky you are, as if those words could erase the guilt many of us feel when we’re not glowing with gratitude. It’s a struggle that can feel compounded when we consider the financial realities of parenthood. Childcare can be prohibitively expensive, and for many, staying home is less a choice and more a necessity. I understand this dilemma.
It’s likely that enjoying a hot cup of coffee or a leisurely shower is a luxury you rarely experience. Nap times might not be your personal break but rather an opportunity to tackle a to-do list that never seems to end. Maybe you can snatch a quick bite before your child awakens, but more often than not, the microwave’s beep signals the end of your brief respite.
I know that jokes about your lifestyle—minimizing your efforts or envying your ability to wear pajamas at 2 p.m.—can sting. You might chuckle along, but inside, you could feel a sense of frustration and hurt. It’s easy to feel unappreciated for the hard work you do, often in silence.
The fears you harbor about asking for help stem from a place of vulnerability. You might worry that your struggles aren’t significant enough or that you appear inadequate. But let me tell you, you are not a failure.
Have you heard how incredible you are? As a mother and as an individual, you mean the world to your child. You are their chef, teacher, friend, guardian, and entertainer. Although being a stay-at-home mom can feel thankless, what you do is extraordinary, and you should take pride in that.
Some may suggest that if you’re unhappy with your situation, you should simply “get a hobby.” However, we both know that it’s not that straightforward. There are many factors at play—financial constraints, guilt, and the emotional toll of separation from your child even for a moment. It’s okay to feel nostalgia for the person you used to be before parenthood; it’s a common sentiment among mothers.
You have every right to miss those quiet moments stuck in traffic or to feel frustrated at the demands of motherhood. Many mothers have questioned their choices, including myself. At times, I have felt regret over my decision to become a parent. Such thoughts are normal and do not define your worth. These feelings can keep you grounded and honest about your experience.
While you know there are joyful moments you would never trade for anything—like hearing your child laugh or witnessing their first steps—it’s crucial to acknowledge that it is okay to have difficult days. You don’t have to punish yourself for feeling overwhelmed or frustrated.
It’s important to recognize that it’s fine to let the dishes pile up, to feel anger towards your partner for having a life outside the home, or to wish for a moment of peace. Everything changes when you become a parent, and it can feel as if your identity has been reduced solely to “Mom.”
These are the truths that often go unspoken but are vital for every parent to hear. This isn’t an exercise in complaining; instead, it’s a reminder that feeling discouraged is normal and that there are others who resonate with your struggles. If you find joy in every moment of motherhood, that’s wonderful. But know that if you’re struggling, there are others who can relate and offer support.
So, don’t hesitate to be honest about your feelings.
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In summary, being a stay-at-home mom can be a complex journey filled with both joy and challenges. You are not alone in your feelings, and it’s vital to acknowledge and embrace the full spectrum of your experience as a mother.