I reflect on this morning when you quickly apologized after knocking over the cereal box, and it makes my heart sink. I told you it was alright—it was an accident—but your instinct to apologize troubles me. Have I instilled this sense of responsibility in you as the firstborn?
Tomorrow morning, I plan to greet you with a warm hug. I aspire to do better, to ease my expectations, and to remind myself that you’re just 7 years old. Yet, I know that when distractions arise, I will revert to my old habits.
If you take your time getting ready for school, I will likely hurry you along. If your hair dips into your breakfast, I will probably sigh and urge you to tie it back. If you wander off mid-meal to read your book, I might snap at you. But if your little brother does the same? I won’t be as harsh—perhaps just a little exasperated, but he’s only 3. It’s not equitable. In the grand scheme, 7 is not drastically different from 3, yet as the eldest, you face heightened expectations.
This isn’t right. I intend to change, and I will make an effort. However, I foresee this being a long journey throughout your childhood.
When you were 3, similar to your brother now, I demanded too much from you. As the big sister, you were expected to act maturely, leaving behind the baby phase. Looking back, I realize how unreasonable that was. Your brother gets to wander at mealtimes without reprimand, helping himself to snacks and dressing at his own pace. But you? I expected you to adhere to the rules and behave. I set the bar too high.
At 6, as your sister is now, you were seen as the capable big girl, fully engaged in school and articulate in your communication. When you struggled or became upset, I was quick to frustration. With your sister, I tread carefully, preparing her for changes and celebrating her adjustments. Why didn’t I extend that understanding to you? My expectations were far too lofty.
I can already predict that when your sister reaches 7, and your brother is 7, my expectations will be more lenient. I won’t perceive them as grown-ups. Instead, I will see them as children who are still learning and require allowance. This is a realization I need to embrace now, not years down the line.
You are only 7, and being the firstborn does not mean you should be older than your age. You can be mature by assisting with your siblings, helping with chores, and choosing your outfits. But you should also have the freedom to be little—playing with your brother at breakfast, lacking urgency, and allowing your hair to fall into your food. You are a young girl, and I must remember that. I don’t need to lower my expectations; rather, I need to elevate my expectations of myself. I should hug you more often and tie your hair back when needed.
For further insights into parenting and the emotional dynamics of family life, check out this article, which provides valuable perspectives. Additionally, if you are exploring options for home insemination, Cryobaby offers excellent resources that can guide you through the process. For comprehensive information about intrauterine insemination, the NHS provides a thorough overview.
Summary:
The experience of being a firstborn can create undue pressure, often leading to high expectations from parents. It is crucial to recognize that children, regardless of their birth order, are still learning and should be allowed to be little. As parents, we must strive to adjust our expectations and understand the unique challenges faced by our eldest children.