When it comes to my first child, or rather, my first few children (thanks, universe), the approach was akin to wrapping them in protective bubble wrap. Figuratively speaking, of course, because if we actually wrapped them in bubble wrap, it would transform from a safety measure into a choking hazard. And let’s be honest, popping bubble wrap is just too much fun to resist.
Now, back to the topic at hand: the firstborn. This child was under constant scrutiny. While I certainly care for my youngest, I distinctly recall a moment when I dove to rescue my first child from what I perceived as danger—a paper towel, which I treated like a toxic substance. I used my hands like the Jaws of Life to pry open their tiny mouth, risking injury to save them from what I thought was a choking hazard, much like a cyanide capsule.
Fast forward to my youngest, who was casually gnawing on a paper towel. I simply shrugged it off, thinking, “I’ll deal with it later.” The threat level was merely code yellow, not the DEFCON 4 level of concern I had with my older ones. As I moved sluggishly from the sink to my child, I debated whether it was worth risking a bite on my finger to retrieve the paper. Let him munch on it; those dishes weren’t going to wash themselves.
What’s perhaps more alarming than my eventual decision to remove the paper towel? The fact that I admitted to occasionally washing dishes. I detest acknowledging my adult responsibilities. I once told my partner that I was the “cool” parent—too busy and laid-back for household chores, while they were the responsible one keeping our home intact. That went over splendidly.
There I was, a “hip” dad, washing dishes while my youngest enjoyed a piece of premium paper towel. It’s not that I don’t care about my child’s health; it’s just that I’m less anxious about him consuming bits of dog food or paper.
After two years of parenting, it’s become clear that children will consume dirt, grass, and whatever random objects catch their fancy. I had a phase where I was convinced my son was part mole-rat, as he seemed to consume dirt in quantities that would astonish any gardener. Changing a diaper became an exercise in surprise; it often looked less like a standard stool and more like a beach scene.
Kids eventually outgrow their phase of exploring the world through taste. However, it’s a given that babies will chew on household items. As long as hazardous substances are kept out of reach, they are generally safe. “Generally” is the key word, as there are moments of panic when they manage to get into things they shouldn’t.
Once, my children decided to indulge in some syrup—not the maple kind, but rather baby Benadryl from their diaper bag. They managed to crack the safety cap and share their newfound “treat” amongst themselves. A frantic intervention later, we found ourselves at the hospital, watching our kids appear dazed from their allergy medication. It was a scary moment that cost me my parenting gold star, but the diaper bag has since been relocated. Lesson learned.
As parents, we should evolve alongside our children—not only in the physical sense (as we all gain a bit of “parent weight”) but also emotionally and mentally. There’s a maturation process that allows us to differentiate between immediate dangers and, say, a piece of paper towel. I’m not suggesting you turn your child into a paper product enthusiast, as that could get costly. Instead, we have more pressing concerns, like whether that diaper bag enhances our appearance or not.
I know someone will inevitably point out that munching on paper towels is unhealthy while simultaneously feeding their child hot dogs. No judgment here; hot dogs are quick and delicious. In fact, if you’re out of buns, wrapping a hot dog in a paper towel works in a pinch.
As parents, we sometimes need to let our kids learn through experience, even if it means a little trial by mouth. A child who eats sticks will likely not be picky during mealtime. So, after years of learning through experience, I say, “Let them eat paper towels.”
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Summary
This article discusses the evolving perspective of parenting, particularly the differences in how parents respond to their firstborn compared to subsequent children. It humorously reflects on the common experiences of children exploring their environment through taste and the lessons learned along the way. The author emphasizes the need for parents to adapt and grow with their children, allowing them some freedom to explore, even if it involves chewing on non-food items like paper towels.