Recently, my 5-year-old son, Lucas, began taking violin lessons. His enthusiasm, however, seems to be lacking. Both my partner and I have musical backgrounds, frequently playing guitar and singing at home, which has exposed him to music from a young age. He enjoys singing and even asked for music lessons after receiving a secondhand violin from a friend. Yet during his first lesson, he appeared withdrawn, hesitantly echoing the melodies taught by his instructor. It remains uncertain if he will choose to continue and whether he will dedicate enough time to practice to make the lessons worthwhile.
My partner and I find ourselves at odds about whether to compel him to keep attending lessons despite his disinterest. I believe that the ability to play an instrument, read music, and develop a musical ear early on is a valuable gift, even if he doesn’t recognize it now. I think weekly lessons and daily practice should be obligatory, an integral part of his childhood experience. Conversely, my partner argues that music should be a source of joy, suggesting that participation should be voluntary and paced according to individual comfort levels.
Both of us draw from our childhood musical experiences. We had violin and piano lessons, but we were never forced to practice and could quit at our discretion. As adults, we both picked up the guitar—my partner mastering it quickly, while I continue to navigate the learning process. He is content with his musical journey and has no regrets about discontinuing lessons, whereas I often wish my mother had encouraged me to persist. Reflecting on this, I realize that forcing a reluctant child to practice may not yield the desired results easily.
At present, we aim to keep music enjoyable, engaging in family sing-alongs with silly songs. Lucas has a remarkable ability to sense when we attempt to subtly incorporate lessons, such as when I sing scales and label it the “numbers song.” Currently, he is only interested in songs about trains. We also acknowledge his need for autonomy; for instance, he can stay up 20 minutes later than his younger brother if he chooses to sing or play a song with us. The violin is treated as his unique possession, off-limits to his sibling.
It is essential to maintain the fun aspect of music. I often ponder why I didn’t find joy in music as a child, while I do now. My partner suggests that as an adult, I have more control over my schedule, choice of teacher, songs, and practice routine—freedoms not typically afforded to children. Should Lucas decide against continuing with the violin, he can explore other instruments or simply enjoy singing with us. Regardless, I hope he becomes an active listener, allowing music to enrich his life long-term.
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In conclusion, the question of whether to compel a child to study music is complex. Balancing encouragement with respect for a child’s autonomy can foster a lifelong appreciation for music without imposing undue pressure.