By: Jamie Foster
Updated: July 25, 2017
Originally Published: September 29, 2015
The moment I welcomed my first child into the world, I naively assumed I would emerge as an expert in intimacy. After all, I had successfully brought a new life into existence, which surely meant I had mastered the art of sex. However, as soon as the baby arrived, I found myself saying goodbye not only to restful nights and fashionable attire but also to the confidence I once had in the bedroom.
No one warned me about this transition. It was as if having a baby reset my experience, making me feel like an inexperienced teenager stepping back into the world of intimacy. A heads-up about becoming a “born-again virgin” would have been helpful. The various pregnancy books I read failed to address the striking similarities between postpartum intimacy and the awkwardness of teenage experiences. While they mentioned waiting six weeks post-delivery for clearance from my doctor—who advised a slow return to intimacy—the literature did not prepare me for what it truly felt like to start over.
After discussing this with several friends, we collectively agree that parenting guides should include a chapter on how to navigate the return to intimacy after childbirth. So, after indulging in a few glasses of wine (and perhaps a pan of brownies), I’m ready to share my insights on this subject, fully aware that my friends prefer to remain anonymous on such topics.
1. Will It Be Painful?
The notion that childbirth makes one’s body looser is a myth for many. I have vividly unpleasant memories of my doctor performing an episiotomy, looking at me with a wink as she mentioned a “husband stitch.” This made me question everything about my body. As the six-week mark approached, I was filled with anxiety about whether intimacy would hurt—after all, something substantial had just emerged from there. The memories of recovery lingered painfully as I prepared to engage intimately once again. It’s essential to approach this with plenty of lubrication, just like that initial experience.
2. I’m Unsure of My New Body
While I was confident enough to conceive, everything felt different afterward. It’s not necessarily bad, but it’s certainly unfamiliar. Suddenly, I found myself grappling with a new body, and my partner was equally unsure about how to navigate this change, especially with the added complexity of nursing and milk production. The entire experience felt like fumbling through a first-time encounter.
3. Finding Privacy Is Challenging
The postpartum phase resembles adolescence in that you feel mature enough for intimacy, yet your circumstances often dictate otherwise. “Quick, we have five minutes before the baby wakes up! Not in the bedroom—let’s get in the car!” It’s a stark realization that after years of anticipation, your intimate life is now dictated by a tiny being barely two feet tall.
4. Where Did My Confidence Go?
Having been with my partner for some time before the baby, I felt a disconnect when it came to body image post-delivery. The body I once proudly shared had transformed, leaving me feeling lost and unsure. We often find ourselves in a phase of getting to know our postpartum bodies—an experience that can feel as awkward as reintroducing oneself.
5. Rediscovering Love
The arrival of your baby brings a new depth to your relationship. You see your partner not just in a physical light but as a nurturing figure, which can rekindle feelings similar to those experienced in the early stages of love. Rediscovering intimacy post-baby is a unique journey that combines the thrill of newness with the comfort of familiarity.
In conclusion, postpartum intimacy can indeed feel like stepping back into the realm of first experiences. While it may come with its challenges, it also offers a chance to reconnect in ways that are deeply meaningful.
For those looking to explore more about home insemination and related topics, you might find useful insights in other articles, like those at Home Insemination Kit. Additionally, resources like Cleveland Clinic’s podcast offer valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination. If you are interested in practical tools for this journey, check out Cryobaby’s home intravaginal insemination kits.