Divorce can be an emotionally taxing experience, bringing forth a whirlwind of feelings and challenges. For those close to someone going through this life transition, it’s important to know how to provide support effectively. Your words can either uplift or inadvertently add to their distress. Below are recommendations on what to say and what to avoid when talking to a friend who is navigating a divorce.
Avoid Saying: “You shouldn’t dwell on him so much. Try to move on!”
Instead Say: “What did he do this week that really got under your skin? I can’t believe he did that!”
Avoid Saying: “Here’s a plant for your new place.”
Instead Say: “I thought about bringing you a plant, but I figured it might be more stress to care for it. How about a bottle of wine instead?”
Avoid Saying: “Is this really the right time to buy something big, like a new mattress?”
Instead Say: “Let’s treat ourselves to new sheets! I’ll cover the cost. 800 thread count, here we come!”
Avoid Saying: “You’re lucky to have some nights away from the kids.”
Instead Say: “That sounds tough. Can I take you out for a drink? He really doesn’t get it, does he?”
Avoid Saying: “You should exercise; it’ll help.”
Instead Say: “You seem a bit too thin lately, so I baked you some cookies. Just a little comfort food!”
Avoid Saying: “Spending time with him doesn’t mean you’re on his side.”
Instead Say: “We only hang out with him to keep tabs for you. Honestly, we don’t like him—he’s a jerk!”
Avoid Saying: “Why do you care if he’s dating someone else?”
Instead Say: “Let’s update your Tinder profile with some new pics! We’ll make it look great!”
Avoid Saying: “How about we go get a manicure?”
Instead Say: “Want to get together and egg his new girlfriend’s house? Just kidding, but I’m here for you.”
Avoid Saying: “Maybe you should take a break from dating to focus on the kids.”
Instead Say: “I saw that condoms are on sale, so I picked up a few boxes for you. Just in case!”
Avoid Saying: “Now isn’t the time to explore adult content.”
Instead Say: “It’s a lot to deal with right now—let’s just figure it out together.”
In summary, when supporting a friend through divorce, prioritize emotional validation, offer companionship, and maintain a non-judgmental stance. Your friend likely needs encouragement, loyalty, and perhaps a bit of humor to cope with the stress. Remember, their ex may not seem like one, but they often embody the role of a “jerk” in these scenarios.
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